GOD'S PLAN

I applied again for a job at one of the local schools and was still not hired for a job.  I had two interviews with personnel in Human Resources and found out why.  I don't agree with their reasoning, but I will have to go along with it for now.  I was so disappointed as the job that I applied for was the media assistant position.  It is basically an assistant in a school library.  I would be perfect for this job and everyone knew it.  The principal at the school even recommended me for the job, but I still didn't get the job.  I know that God has a plan for my life, but I am not sure what it is at this point.  Help me, Lord, to trust you no matter what happens in our life.

JOB HUNTING

I have been looking for a job. It hasn't been going very well. I was relieved of my duties with Child Evangelism Fellowship of the Lowcountry because there was not enough money to continue paying a part time staff person. That was over year ago in July. I did substitute teaching in the local school district last year. I did not enjoy it, but it was profitable. I did enjoy one of my jobs and that was in the library at Beaufort Elementary School. I loved working in the library. I love shelving books, checking the books in and out and helping the children as they come in the library to find a book that they want to read. I was hoping to get a job in the library and even have applied for it, but for some reason, they won't hire me. I don't know why. Can't figure it out. I am praying that God will work in the hearts of the people in Human Resources at the school district office and let them change their minds about hiring me.

PREGNANCY

Chrismas Day 1991: I should have started my period that day, but didn't. Could I be pregnant? The day after Christmas I went to the drugstore and purchased a pregnancy test and it was positive. I was excited, but Steve wasn't. I think that he was afraid. I remember that in October the day that I had my D&C we were going to get something to eat and Steve made the comment that "we are probably just too old to be doing this." That was NOT what I wanted or needed to hear. I wanted a baby so very much.

When the pregnancy test was positive, I called the doctor's office and they took me in right away. They didn't even redo the test. We talked about the options and decided on a course of action. The doctor took a blood sample right away and started me on progesterone therapy. That meant twice weekly blood samples and shots of progesterone. This went on for what seemed like ages - I think 12-14 weeks. We heard the baby's heart beat at 10 weeks. I cried I was so excited. We had never heard the heart beat before.

The first two pregnancies showed that my progesterone levels were low in the early weeks of the pregnancies and may have been the causes for the miscarriages. At any rate, this therapy appeared to be working and finally I got to the second trimester. I remember feeling bad in January, barely able to hold my head up. I was so tired all the time as I was still working. Teaching preschoolers was hard at that time. I would come home and go straight to bed everyday. Fortunately, Steve was keeping up with the cooking and we ate well. He was into watching all of the cooking shows and would try new recipes. Normally, this would have been great, but I wasn't feeling so well and new foods just didn't sound good. I remember Steve cooked some artichoke one evening. We had never had that before or tasted it and I didn't like how it smelled. He kept saying "Taste this!" He just didn't understand that my taste buds were "out of whack!"

After the first trimester, we were so excited about the baby and planned the nursery and all the things that we needed for the new arrival. I didn't go through the tests that they requested during the pregnancy - amniocentesis was one of them. The thought of a long needle being stuck into by stomach was not very pleasant. I read that there was a 1% chance that I could miscarry and since I had already twice, I just didn't want to take the chance. We did not find out the sex of the baby and wanted to be surprised. The last ultrasound that I had, the doctor asked me if I wanted to know. I think that he knew, but he didn't tell me and honored my request. The rest of the pregnancy went along fine without any complications.

IT'S ALMOST CHRISTMAS ONCE AGAIN

It seems like Christmas comes more quickly each year. I can hardly believe that it is that time once again. We are all busy shopping and baking, cleaning and wrapping presents, and still schooling and work and decorating and so many things going on all at once. Please take time to remember the real meaning of Christmas. Read the Christmas story to your children, not just from Luke, but from Matthew also. Do it more than once. Read the prophecies to your children in Isaiah about the Messiah: Isaiah 9:1-7, Isaiah 40, Isaiah 53. Talk to your children about why Jesus was born as a baby and about His mission on earth . This is also a good time to discuss other Christmas traditions and the history behind them, making crafts and gifts, or reading Christmas stories. Spending time together is the most important thing to do this Christmas season. Life is short even at its best, so make the most of the time together. It is my prayer for all of you that you have a blessed holiday and a very Merry Christmas.

WHERE HAVE I BEEN?????

I can't believe it has been over a year since I posted on my own blog. Where did the time go?

Well, I went through another time of deep depression. I know what caused it. I was grieving for my friends. Our Pastor Bill, with leukemia became much worse and died on February 14. I spent a lot of time with his wife and daughter after that; helping with Lynn and being there with Katie. She is doing better. We do spend time on the phone now and then. Katie takes time to get away from the everyday and it helps her.

I went to Virginia about 4 times last Spring to visit my elderly aunts. I went with the idea of trying to help them, but they never would let me do anything but cook. That was OK, but they kept complaining about all of the stuff that needed to be done but wouldn't let me do it. OH, well.

I found out that I have Type 2 diabetes in April or May last year. I had to completely change some things about my life, particularly in the realm of eating and exercise. I got the South Beach Diet book and read through it. It makes a lot of sense. I didn't go completely South Beach. I need my carbs, but I cut way back on carbs and cut out some of the "white" foods such as rice, bread, pasta, potatoes, sugar (especially desserts). I began eating lots of meat, even red meat, vegetables and fresh fruit. I began eating oatmeal for breakfast with flax seed added for extra fiber, shredded wheat and bran cereal, whole wheat bread (really whole wheat not just white bread colored brown). I also continued working out at Curves, but made it more regular. Since last April I have lost 20 pounds. I can get in clothes in my closet that I haven't gotten in for years.

We had three public school Good News Clubs this year. That has kept me very busy going to all three clubs each week. They are all finished for the year.

Caroline had a busy school schedule this year. Three days a week she had outside classes: Monday was history/literature/writing. Tuesdays and Thursdays: Spanish, Algebra 1 and Latin 1. Twice a month she had Biology Lab on Wednesday mornings from September through April. She is finished with all of her classes now except Algebra and Latin. They will finish up next Thursday (May 22). She took her Algebra with a co-op school or cottage school called Trinity Classical Academy. It has been a huge blessing and next year I have her enrolled with all of her classes except Spanish. She will still go two other days of the week for Spanish.

In September, October and November, we went to Orangeburg one evening each week so that I could teach a class called Teaching Children Effectively. There were five of us teaching different sections of it. I had five sections to teach so that I could become credentialed with CEF to be an Instructor of Teachers. I really enjoy the training aspect of my ministry with CEF.

Child Evangelism Fellowship of the Lowcountry became an official chapter and received the Charter on December 1, 2007. That was exactly 2 years to the day that I went on staff as the area coordinator. We also have a governing board and we now have an office suite and training facility at 4 Grober Hill Road in Beaufort, SC 29906. We are having an Open House on Sunday, May 18th from 2-5 PM. Come by and see the facility and have some refreshments.

That is pretty much the overview of what has happened since my last post. I will try to keep up more regularly from now on. At least I will try.

MORE DEPRESSION

After that miscarriage in October of 1991, I was really down. I kept doing what I needed to do, I guess, but I don't remember much about it. I remember sleeping a lot especially on Sunday afternoons. I think Sundays are great days to take a nap. I still try to do that when I can.

We did go out some. Mostly it was to another couple's house that we were good friends with at the time. I taught with Debbie and Steve and her husband Carey got along really well. They both liked to hunt, fish, shrimp, anything that had to do with the outdoors. One Sunday evening early in December, we all went to Savannah to a country western music concert. There was a lot of drinking at the concert - mostly beer - but a lot of it was being guzzled! I remember that there was 6 of us. Three couples and all of them had been drinking except me. Even the driver. I was so nervous going home. I think that I tried to get them to let me drive, but no one would. I was so glad to get home.

I don't remember much, but I do remember that Steve was in a very good mood. He was rarely in a good mood. He was a very quiet and moody kind of person, almost had a melancholy type of personality. He rarely admitted being wrong in anything; in fact I don't ever remember him ever saying that he was wrong about anything. He never apologized or said that he was sorry for anything that he ever did or said. I believe that confession is good for the soul. I helps to cleanse and to clear the air between the two parties. I always asked for forgiveness and said that I was sorry for our quarrels and differences, especially if it was my fault. Even though an argument might not have been my fault, I was always sorry for the unkind words that were said and for the way that I acted. Steve, on the other hand, never really verbalized his feelings and had lots of pent up emotions. He would bottle them up and then one day let them all loose. He was really scary when he got angry. I never worried whether or not he would hit me or anything like that, but he would become quite verbally abusive and call me unkind names and so forth. He would also bring up the fact that "you know what you did," and I usually had no clue what made him mad this time. Then finally he would just ignore me. This might last for days. I couldn't stand it being ignored, but I learned to live with it. It did no good to cry or complain or carry on either, it would only make the silence worse and longer. I did cry a lot, but only to myself. I cried myself to sleep many nights over the years of our marriage. This is why it is so important for Christian young people to take Paul's admonition seriously: "Do not be bound (unequally yoked) together with unbelievers;for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?" It is so important that you not even date persons that are unbelievers. I sometimes wish that I had been more obedient to God and not followed my heart. But I also now that God works all things out for our good. If I had not married Steve, then I would not have the beautiful daughter that I do have today. And she truly has been a blessing to me.

DEALING WITH DEPRESSION

In one of my earlier posts I talked about some things to do to deal with depression. These came straight from one of my earliest visits with my pastor, Carl Broggi. I had had a miscarriage earlier that year and after school had started I plunged myself into work and had some major burn out. Between the hormone changes in my body and other things going on externally with work and with my marriage, I was not emotionally stable. I had never felt so bad in my life. Pastor Carl shared some very practical things that one can do to help cope with depression. I want to share these with all of you that might read this blog:

1. Personal thought time or quiet time. At least 10 -15 minutes every day, pray.

• When you pray, express your feelings specifically.
• Write out specific requests in light of your feelings and keep these in a journal or notebook. Hebrews 4:16 "Let us therefore draw near with confidence ot the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."

2. One day at a time. Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not be anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

• Take 5 minutes to make a written schedule for the day - hour by hour.

3. Personal exercise - at least 10 minutes.

4. Support partner for accountability.

I can say that I do most of these things. I don't do the written schedule, but I am thinking about implementing that one starting tomorrow. Sometimes the things take longer. My quiet time ends up about 30 - 45 minutes as I usually read the Bible and make some notes on what I read and then pray in light of what I read AND what I am feeling. I also do some other Bible study like The Grace Awakening by Chuck Swindol for my Sunday School Class.

Caroline and I joined Curves last year and that is a 30 minute workout so that also takes longer, plus we have to drive to get there.

I am making it a point to cut back on my caffeine and carb intake especially bad carbs (I know I shouldn't have eaten those M&Ms a while ago and I should have stopped with one bag!)

I am trying to go to bed earlier and get rest, but I still need to work on the rest issue, since I don't sleep well and haven't for a long time.

I have several ladies that are my accountability partners. One especially right now, as I had a melt down at her house last week. She is calling me each morning to make sure that I am getting up on time and not just being lazy and sleeping in every day. After she calls, I have to call her back in about 15 minutes to let her know that I am up and moving.

I did start feeling better once I started excercising again on a regular basis. Get out there and get moving and you will begin to feel better, too.