DISAPPOINTMENT

After Steve and I had been married about 5 or 6 years, my biological clock really began ticking and LOUDLY. After all, I had worked with young children for so many years and I really loved them, but something was missing. I always felt that God had called me to be a wife and mother. When I was young, people often asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I don't remember ever wanting to be anything except that - a wife and mother.

I do remember once in high school I was trying to decide what I wanted to do after graduation and I thought that maybe I would be a pharmacist like my dad, but there was way to much math and chemistry involved and I was never good at either of those.

I truly believe that God has given all women that nuturing instinct even if they can't or don't have children. I know that I had it and I often wondered if I ever would have children of my own. Remember, I was already 31 when I married for the first time. That is pretty late in life these days. Although, I am meeting more and more women who are having babies in their 30's more than ever before, and some in their 40's also.

In 1990, I discovered that I was expecting. I was elated!!! Steve seemed pretty excited as well. I found out I was pregnant in May. School was about out. We were packing up the house we rented on Lady's Island and moved into an area of town called Mossy Oaks.

School had been out for a week or so. We had pretty much everything unpacked and moved in. I went to church one Sunday and right at the end of the service when we stood up to sing, I felt something strange. I left immediately and went home. I went to the bathroom and discovered that I was bleeding. I remember I had that sick feeling that you get when things are not going right. I remember that I called an older lady that I knew from church, Sandy Voegeli, and asked her to pray for me. She told me to sit down and keep my feet up and if I still wasn't feeling well the next day to go to the doctor. That evening, I remember that I started having that "cramping" feeling. I went to the doctor the next day, and they sent me to the hospital for an ultrasound. This was before they had the equipment in the office. I remember laying on that bed and the technician didn't say a word. I kept asking her, but she just wouldn't say anything. Finally, I went back to the office and the doctor told me that the baby had died and that I was miscarrying. I just remember being so sad!!!

I called Sandy back and told her what was going on. Sandy was a real friend that day. I knew that she understood. She had had 13 miscarriages and never carried any babies to term. She did end up being the mother of 5 children, but all adopted.

I was devastated. I had to go the hospital for a D&C which was labeled on my hospital orders as a "theraputic abortion." I felt really strange. I knew that the baby had died and just came apart in my womb, but it bothered me that it was called an abortion. I came home after the procedure and slept for several hours. I don't remember too much. I just didn't want to think about it. I was soooo disappointed.

A "CLASSY" PROFESSION

It is hard to believe that is has been 21 years ago this month, Labor Day weekend to be exact that I moved to Beaufort, SC. That was in 1985. I taught in Beaufort County Schools for the next 14 years. The first 10 years, I taught Pre-Kindergarten. Because I loved working with young children, I really put everything I had into my job. I made educational games, wrote unit lesson plans, made graphics and visuals to go along with those lesson plans, cut and pasted until I was blue in the face, so to speak. But I loved every minute of it for the most part. I had great co-workers. My teacher assistant was terrific. She really loved the kids and taught me so much about people from "the Island," as it was called. I taught for the first three years at St. Helena Elementary School on St. Helena Island, SC. It was an old building at the time, that sits where the new Early Learning School now sits. The gymnasium is still there between the two schools that make up St. Helena now. I also worked with a wonderful principal named Mildred Wilson. She has since retired, but I run into her frequently, ususally at Golden Corral after church on any Sunday that we happen to go there to eat.

The next seven years I taught at Beaufort Elementary. I actually started the Pre-Kindergarten program at that school. The second year there were enough children for two classes. My friend Martha, transferred to BE and we really had a great time. We did things together as a grade level of two, field trips, movie Fridays, popcorn, recess, etc. There was also a teacher named Kristen, that we become friends with and the three of us made a great team. Kristen taught early childhood special education. The three of us did the school testing each year for the Child Find program. Because of our expertise in the area of early childhood and early detection of special needs children we were featured in a short documentary put out by the State Department of Education. It was a 30 minute TV program about Children's programs in SC and what was being done in Beaufort County particularly, and was aired several times on SCETV. That was my 30 minutes "claim to fame!" We often had visitors in our classrooms and new pre-K teachers were often sent to us to mentor and so they could observe us using the prescribed curriculum for Pre-K which at the time was the High/Scope Model. I really believe this is a good curriculum as it encourages the intellect of the child as they develop instead of pushing academics on children before they are "ready" to be able to learn particular skills.

Anyway, we were the model team. I also did extra things in my career such as wrote and published an activity book in-house that was given to all of the Pre-K teachers in Beaufort County as a resource. I helped to design a special lesson plan book for the Pre-K teachers, that was also published in-house and used by the Pre-k teachers for several years. I wrote grants not only for the school but for myself. One grant for about $1000 helped to fund the writing of the activity book. Another grant gave the school $5000 for special projects. Another year I wrote 4 grants and received 3 of them. I don't know why I was so successful at writing grants, but somehow it came easy to me.

I often thought about finishing my education and going for a doctorate, but I just never could bring myself to actually do it. Everytime I really thought about it, I kept thinking that it would be too difficult to do, and really try to focus on my marriage. I truly felt that was what God called me to do; to put my energies into my home and my marriage. So I put the idea of a doctorate out of my mind.