MORE DEPRESSION

After that miscarriage in October of 1991, I was really down. I kept doing what I needed to do, I guess, but I don't remember much about it. I remember sleeping a lot especially on Sunday afternoons. I think Sundays are great days to take a nap. I still try to do that when I can.

We did go out some. Mostly it was to another couple's house that we were good friends with at the time. I taught with Debbie and Steve and her husband Carey got along really well. They both liked to hunt, fish, shrimp, anything that had to do with the outdoors. One Sunday evening early in December, we all went to Savannah to a country western music concert. There was a lot of drinking at the concert - mostly beer - but a lot of it was being guzzled! I remember that there was 6 of us. Three couples and all of them had been drinking except me. Even the driver. I was so nervous going home. I think that I tried to get them to let me drive, but no one would. I was so glad to get home.

I don't remember much, but I do remember that Steve was in a very good mood. He was rarely in a good mood. He was a very quiet and moody kind of person, almost had a melancholy type of personality. He rarely admitted being wrong in anything; in fact I don't ever remember him ever saying that he was wrong about anything. He never apologized or said that he was sorry for anything that he ever did or said. I believe that confession is good for the soul. I helps to cleanse and to clear the air between the two parties. I always asked for forgiveness and said that I was sorry for our quarrels and differences, especially if it was my fault. Even though an argument might not have been my fault, I was always sorry for the unkind words that were said and for the way that I acted. Steve, on the other hand, never really verbalized his feelings and had lots of pent up emotions. He would bottle them up and then one day let them all loose. He was really scary when he got angry. I never worried whether or not he would hit me or anything like that, but he would become quite verbally abusive and call me unkind names and so forth. He would also bring up the fact that "you know what you did," and I usually had no clue what made him mad this time. Then finally he would just ignore me. This might last for days. I couldn't stand it being ignored, but I learned to live with it. It did no good to cry or complain or carry on either, it would only make the silence worse and longer. I did cry a lot, but only to myself. I cried myself to sleep many nights over the years of our marriage. This is why it is so important for Christian young people to take Paul's admonition seriously: "Do not be bound (unequally yoked) together with unbelievers;for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?" It is so important that you not even date persons that are unbelievers. I sometimes wish that I had been more obedient to God and not followed my heart. But I also now that God works all things out for our good. If I had not married Steve, then I would not have the beautiful daughter that I do have today. And she truly has been a blessing to me.