MORE DEPRESSION

After that miscarriage in October of 1991, I was really down. I kept doing what I needed to do, I guess, but I don't remember much about it. I remember sleeping a lot especially on Sunday afternoons. I think Sundays are great days to take a nap. I still try to do that when I can.

We did go out some. Mostly it was to another couple's house that we were good friends with at the time. I taught with Debbie and Steve and her husband Carey got along really well. They both liked to hunt, fish, shrimp, anything that had to do with the outdoors. One Sunday evening early in December, we all went to Savannah to a country western music concert. There was a lot of drinking at the concert - mostly beer - but a lot of it was being guzzled! I remember that there was 6 of us. Three couples and all of them had been drinking except me. Even the driver. I was so nervous going home. I think that I tried to get them to let me drive, but no one would. I was so glad to get home.

I don't remember much, but I do remember that Steve was in a very good mood. He was rarely in a good mood. He was a very quiet and moody kind of person, almost had a melancholy type of personality. He rarely admitted being wrong in anything; in fact I don't ever remember him ever saying that he was wrong about anything. He never apologized or said that he was sorry for anything that he ever did or said. I believe that confession is good for the soul. I helps to cleanse and to clear the air between the two parties. I always asked for forgiveness and said that I was sorry for our quarrels and differences, especially if it was my fault. Even though an argument might not have been my fault, I was always sorry for the unkind words that were said and for the way that I acted. Steve, on the other hand, never really verbalized his feelings and had lots of pent up emotions. He would bottle them up and then one day let them all loose. He was really scary when he got angry. I never worried whether or not he would hit me or anything like that, but he would become quite verbally abusive and call me unkind names and so forth. He would also bring up the fact that "you know what you did," and I usually had no clue what made him mad this time. Then finally he would just ignore me. This might last for days. I couldn't stand it being ignored, but I learned to live with it. It did no good to cry or complain or carry on either, it would only make the silence worse and longer. I did cry a lot, but only to myself. I cried myself to sleep many nights over the years of our marriage. This is why it is so important for Christian young people to take Paul's admonition seriously: "Do not be bound (unequally yoked) together with unbelievers;for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?" It is so important that you not even date persons that are unbelievers. I sometimes wish that I had been more obedient to God and not followed my heart. But I also now that God works all things out for our good. If I had not married Steve, then I would not have the beautiful daughter that I do have today. And she truly has been a blessing to me.

DEALING WITH DEPRESSION

In one of my earlier posts I talked about some things to do to deal with depression. These came straight from one of my earliest visits with my pastor, Carl Broggi. I had had a miscarriage earlier that year and after school had started I plunged myself into work and had some major burn out. Between the hormone changes in my body and other things going on externally with work and with my marriage, I was not emotionally stable. I had never felt so bad in my life. Pastor Carl shared some very practical things that one can do to help cope with depression. I want to share these with all of you that might read this blog:

1. Personal thought time or quiet time. At least 10 -15 minutes every day, pray.

• When you pray, express your feelings specifically.
• Write out specific requests in light of your feelings and keep these in a journal or notebook. Hebrews 4:16 "Let us therefore draw near with confidence ot the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."

2. One day at a time. Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not be anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

• Take 5 minutes to make a written schedule for the day - hour by hour.

3. Personal exercise - at least 10 minutes.

4. Support partner for accountability.

I can say that I do most of these things. I don't do the written schedule, but I am thinking about implementing that one starting tomorrow. Sometimes the things take longer. My quiet time ends up about 30 - 45 minutes as I usually read the Bible and make some notes on what I read and then pray in light of what I read AND what I am feeling. I also do some other Bible study like The Grace Awakening by Chuck Swindol for my Sunday School Class.

Caroline and I joined Curves last year and that is a 30 minute workout so that also takes longer, plus we have to drive to get there.

I am making it a point to cut back on my caffeine and carb intake especially bad carbs (I know I shouldn't have eaten those M&Ms a while ago and I should have stopped with one bag!)

I am trying to go to bed earlier and get rest, but I still need to work on the rest issue, since I don't sleep well and haven't for a long time.

I have several ladies that are my accountability partners. One especially right now, as I had a melt down at her house last week. She is calling me each morning to make sure that I am getting up on time and not just being lazy and sleeping in every day. After she calls, I have to call her back in about 15 minutes to let her know that I am up and moving.

I did start feeling better once I started excercising again on a regular basis. Get out there and get moving and you will begin to feel better, too.

CHRISTMAS

We finally took down our tree just today and put all the Christmas decorations away. I know that it has been a month since Christmas, but I just hate putting the decorations away. Christmas still makes me sad even after all of these years. We rush around shopping and doing all kinds of stuff and don't really take the time to enjoy the season and to remember the real meaning of Christmas. We eat too much and especially too much sugar and junk food and don't exercise. Then I get real depressed and can't figure out what is wrong. I don't do everything that I know I need to do to feel good. I don't get enough sleep, eat too much, eat too many carbs, drink too much caffeine, don't exercise, don't spend time in God's Word every day as I know I should, watch too much TV ( at my sister's; I still don't have TV here). All of this is a recipe for depression.

Christmas day comes and then the flurry of opening presents, eating , opening more presents, and eating again. Then we are exhausted, but finally Christmas is over. We hardly move for a day or two which doesn't help how I am feeling. The more I sleep and sit around the worse I begin to feel. Then we went to see my aunts. They are 84 and 86. They have a multitude of health problems and don't get around too much. They really need more help than they have and don't really have anybody except the lady they pay that comes in three afternoons a week to help them. By the time I left there, I was really depressed. Now what do we do about depression????

WE ARE MARSHALL

It has really been a long time since I have blogged. I have been so busy. First with Christmas holidays and now back into the daily routine.

We left for the holidays on the Thursday before Christmas. We had no mishaps on the road as we did at Thanksgiving, thank God!!! We made good time and arrived safely at my sister and brother-in-law's house. They have a beautiful log cabin in the woods of Virginia. If it had snowed it would have been ideal. We went out to dinner and a movie on the Friday before Christmas as this is one of our traditions with our family. We were all excited because we all wanted to see We Are Marshall. It really brought back memories of my freshman year in college when the football team was killed in the plane crash. My sister and I cried most of the way through the movie. Seeing all the places that I was so familiar with - the Memorial fountain, the student center, the view from the hill overlooking Huntington - was really kinda eerie seeing it all on the big screen. The years that this movie took place were all the years that I was in college. We went to all of the football games whether, we won or not (mostly not in those years), but now Marshall is doing great in football. I don't keep up a lot with football, but I did when I lived in Huntington. Everybody was a football fan!!