I know that it has been awhile since I last posted. Over a month. I have been so busy and have had so many things going on that I have not been able to focus on this project at all. I was gone for two solid weeks at a training for Child Evangelism Fellowship. Then home for two weeks and then we left again for Thanksgiving to go to my sister's in Virginia. It ended up being a wild and crazy weekend that started last Tuesday.
I had decided to go a day early so that I could go visit my elderly aunts who are 83 and 86 years old, I think. I lose track of their ages since they turned 80. They really aren't doing well. They seem a lot more feeble than I remember them. It has been awhile since I visited them. In fact, it may have been last Christmas! We really need to go see them more often, but it is getting harder and harder for me to leave with my work responsibilities.
We got up and left Tuesday last and it was pouring the rain. We didn't leave as soon as we got up, as Caroline had to go to her Math tutor. That is another story. By the time I got all of my chores and errands taken care of we finally got on the road about 12:30 PM. It was pouring or the rain or did I mention that already. It rained and rained and rained infinitum. I thought it would never stop raining. We drove and drove, up through Columbia on the way to Charlotte where we would get I-85 to Greensboro.
It was about 3:30 when I noticed that my windshield wipers were not working very well. They were on high but they were slowing down. I began thinking this is not a good sign, and began praying as well, that I was mistaken.
All of a sudden the windshield wipers stopped completely! You could not even see because the rain was coming down in sheets. It was also getting cold and I realized that we were not dressed warm enough for the change in the weather! Caroline did have on a sweatshirt, but I only had on a turtleneck and a light weight hoodie. I don't usually get cold these days, but I got cold that day! When the windshield wipers stopped, I immediately got off the interstate at the very next exit. Fortunately, there was a convenience store/gas station right there. I pulled in and went into ask about a garage. I was told there was one behind the next convenience store on the other side of the highway. We pulled in to discover that this was a trucker's stop with a garage for repairing 18-wheelers.
I went into the garage and they told me they couldn't help but gave me directions to another garage down the road. I got back into the car and told Caroline that we needed to pray about this situation, not that I hadn't been, but I felt like hearing us pray for protection, comfort, assistance and so on would be more soothing. I did feel more calm after that. I carefully backed out of the place where I was parked and turned the truck around and then, I stopped to get my bearings as this was a huge trucker parking lot and there were no apparent markings on the pavement for spaces, etc, not that I could see them anyway, because of the rain.
I had been looking to my left and then immediately looked up only to see a huge truck about 2 inches in front of us! If I had not stopped at that very instant that I did, that truck would have creamed us! It had not been even 5 minutes since we had prayed for protection. I thank God every time that I think of how close we had come to a tragedy.
The 18-wheeler was gone and we continued back out to the state highway. We were going away from the interstate, because I knew that I could not get on with my wipers not working. I turned on my flashers and drove very slowly about 15-20 miles per hour. There was a line of cars behind us that began passing us. Every time one passed I slowed down more to let them.
We found the garage that we had been told about, but the worker couldn't fix the motor. He checked to see if it was just a fuse, under the hood and in the dashboard, but it wasn't. I left the door open as he told me directions to another garage and by the time I got back into the car the seat was soaked. I was soaked, my hoodie was soaked and I was so cold. I turned the heat up inside the truck and we started slowly down the road again to the third garage.
I was getting worried I have to admit. By this time it was after 4:00 almost 4:30; it was getting dark and the rain had not let up. In fact it was probably raining even harder than it had been. I was worried that we couldn't get the truck fixed and I didn't know where we would be able to stay. We did pass one "roach" motel on the way to the third garage, but I was hoping we wouldn't have to stay there.
On the way to the next garage, the other guy did not tell us that the road came to a turn that you had to go either right or left. The road actually curved around tothe right to the intersection and I was trying to figure out where we might be able to spend the night and looked up and just barely stopped in time before hitting a road sign in the median. It was like it popped out in front of me. There were several cars on my tail again and I have to give God the credit for not allowing what could have been a terrible wreck and a several car pile up.
Anyway we shortly found the garage, right behind the auto supply store. I pulled up, got out and stuck my head in the door. The owner came over and spoke to me in his SC backwoods drawl. If he had been wearing a red jacket and hat, he could have passed for Santa Claus. There were two other men in the garage working on a car. I was a little uneasy, but I felt that since God had protected us this far, HE still would. After they pulled the truck inside the garage and checked it was sure enough the windshield wiper motor. They put the new motor in, and I went up to the auto supply store to pay for it, we were back on the road and it was nly 5:00 PM. It was a miracle that we got all of that done in only an hour since the motor had died. Only by the grace of God.
I was hungry, tired, cold and very whiny by that point. We got back on the interstate at the next exit after the one where we had gotten off. We drove on a for a few more miles. We were still in SC at this point and it was dark and it was still pouring the rain. We stopped at a Cracker Barrel to eat and get warm. There were several motels near by and so we stopped for the night and got a room. We had the dog with us so I had to pay extra for the dog. And the next day it was still raining. My hoodie that was lightweight to start with was still soaked and I had to get the desk clerk to take it to housekeeping to put in the dryer. After I had walked the dog in the rain again and loaded everything up in the truck, it was soaked again and so were my shoes and Caroline's sneakers. We had to go buy new coats and boots. By the time we finished shopping and added in the motel room, and the repairs this little escapade cost me an extra $360.00!!! We still didn't get to my aunts' house very early - it was about 6:30 the next day.
We spent the night with them and because I hadn't seen them for awhile, I hated to rush right out on Thanksgiving day and leave so we lingered over breakfast and watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade on TV which we had not actually seen for a few years. Caroline was glad. We watched most of it. By the time we left it was 1:00 PM. We were late to my sister's for Thanksgiving dinner at 3:00. We didn't make it until 4:00 but they have a family dinner with her inlaws and sister-in-laws and all of their families so there was plenty of food left when we got there and some of them were still eating. I don't think they started right at 3:00 which was to our advantage.
By the time we arrived, I was very thankful, to not be driving anymore, to have a warm house to go into and plenty of food to eat. I know that many people don't have the bare necessities of a warm home, a bed, food to eat and have to deal with the elements on a daily basis. I know that many people have to live like this for long periods of time. I don't know how they survive, not knowing where their next meal is coming from or where they might lay their head that night. I just thank God that we have not had to be homeless. We could have been, but God in His lovingkindness has provided for me and for Caroline time and time again, so that I can keep my house and have food on the table. And I am also thankful that if I did become homeless, I have family that would take me in until I could get back on my feet.
I am ever grateful for His goodness to us.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Thursday, October 26, 2006
NEXT CHAPTER
After my extreme case of burn out, we managed to get through the school year. I finished my class and my grant projects, got that book published. (I still have a couple of copies). I am a little fuzzy about some of the details, but one year, I think it was this year (Spring of 1991), that we had Public TV come to the school to film. It was SCETV and they were filming a short documentary on the Early Childhood Program in Beaufort County Schools. My friends, Martha and Kristin and myself were featured during a segment that focused on the screening of preschool children done in the County each Spring called Child Find. We had an exemplary team at the time. We worked well together and really had a system put in place to identify children with special needs early on so that they could get help as soon as it was available. Many children came through Beaufort Elementary's Child Find program and we were able to do some really good things in preparing these kids for academics later on.
Oftentimes, people were sent in to observe in my classroom or in Kristen's class or in Martha's class. We were often consulted on what to do with children that had special needs and how to teach preschool with at-risk children. I just really felt that I had found my niche in my profession.
At the same time I desparately wanted to have a baby, but for some reason it just wasn't happening. Finally in late July or early August, I found out that I was again pregnant. I was ecstatic and Steve was happy as well. That was a short lived happiness as about the middle or end of September, I went in for a check up and they could not hear the baby's heart beat. After an ultrasound, I was told that the baby did not make it. I was about 6-8 weeks at that time. They showed me the ultrasound picture, and you could not see anything at all. I was again devastated. I waited for another week. I remember that I couldn't sleep at night; I would get up and read my Bible. I read passages like Psalm 34 - I will bless the LORD at all times, His praise shall continually be in my mouth.......I sought the LORD and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears. And Psalm 40 - I waited patiently for the LORD; And HE inclined to me and heard my cry.
I did cry out to the LORD to please do a miracle and save this little baby. The doctor was encouraging me to have another D&C, but I hestitated. I went in for another ultrasound to make sure. I was hopeful when the picture came back more clearly and you could actually see something that looked like a baby. I truly thought that God had answered my prayers. I waited another few days and sleepless nights and went back for one more ultrasound, but this one was not as hopeful as the other one had been. I did have to go in for another D&C on October 6. I remember the date, because it was my friend Stephanie's birthday and she cooked a fabulous meal of steak and scallops for me and Steve and brought it to me and I remember eating it in bed. I did not feel as good that time as I did after the first D&C. I remember telling her how thankful I was for her friendship and that she should have made the meal for her and her husband. Which I am sure now that she probably did.
The next few weeks were just a nightmare. I don't remember a whole lot about them, but I do remember that when I wasn't at school teaching, I was home laying in bed or in a chair. I didn't do anything around the house much almost to the point of not eating. Fortunately, since Steve was only working part time, he had extra time to cook and he was a good cook. So he made all kinds of things and I did eat, but if he hadn't cooked I probably wouldn' t have. Sometimes I still tend to do that. If I get to busy, I don't eat or don't eat right which is one reason that I have a weight problem. You actually have to eat regularly to loose weight which I didn't realize until just recently.
I was severely depressed but I didn't realize it. Not until several years later when I was depressed again. I tend to have these mood swings, or I did then, not so much now. I have learned to deal with it and realize that I do have a slight chemical imbalance that gets really out of whack when I tend to focus on situations and not on the LORD God. We have to realize our short comings and admit what they are to the LORD, so that He can help us get our focus back and our priorities straight again. Sometimes we have to do other things like eating right, exercising, or even taking certain medications to combat some of these problems. It was still several years before I realized that I had a pride issue and thought that Christians should not have to rely on outside help to solve depression. It was several years before I actually admitted to God that my pride was in the way of what He wanted to do in my life.
I think that it was during this fall that I just needed some outside help and had never really gone to talk to my Pastor before. He had come to visit us after both of the miscarriages and prayed with us. Our church was still small then. Unfortunately he doesn't have the time to visit as many people as he would like to visit. But I specifically remember that he shared some very practical things to do to help combat depression. I will share those the next time.
Oftentimes, people were sent in to observe in my classroom or in Kristen's class or in Martha's class. We were often consulted on what to do with children that had special needs and how to teach preschool with at-risk children. I just really felt that I had found my niche in my profession.
At the same time I desparately wanted to have a baby, but for some reason it just wasn't happening. Finally in late July or early August, I found out that I was again pregnant. I was ecstatic and Steve was happy as well. That was a short lived happiness as about the middle or end of September, I went in for a check up and they could not hear the baby's heart beat. After an ultrasound, I was told that the baby did not make it. I was about 6-8 weeks at that time. They showed me the ultrasound picture, and you could not see anything at all. I was again devastated. I waited for another week. I remember that I couldn't sleep at night; I would get up and read my Bible. I read passages like Psalm 34 - I will bless the LORD at all times, His praise shall continually be in my mouth.......I sought the LORD and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears. And Psalm 40 - I waited patiently for the LORD; And HE inclined to me and heard my cry.
I did cry out to the LORD to please do a miracle and save this little baby. The doctor was encouraging me to have another D&C, but I hestitated. I went in for another ultrasound to make sure. I was hopeful when the picture came back more clearly and you could actually see something that looked like a baby. I truly thought that God had answered my prayers. I waited another few days and sleepless nights and went back for one more ultrasound, but this one was not as hopeful as the other one had been. I did have to go in for another D&C on October 6. I remember the date, because it was my friend Stephanie's birthday and she cooked a fabulous meal of steak and scallops for me and Steve and brought it to me and I remember eating it in bed. I did not feel as good that time as I did after the first D&C. I remember telling her how thankful I was for her friendship and that she should have made the meal for her and her husband. Which I am sure now that she probably did.
The next few weeks were just a nightmare. I don't remember a whole lot about them, but I do remember that when I wasn't at school teaching, I was home laying in bed or in a chair. I didn't do anything around the house much almost to the point of not eating. Fortunately, since Steve was only working part time, he had extra time to cook and he was a good cook. So he made all kinds of things and I did eat, but if he hadn't cooked I probably wouldn' t have. Sometimes I still tend to do that. If I get to busy, I don't eat or don't eat right which is one reason that I have a weight problem. You actually have to eat regularly to loose weight which I didn't realize until just recently.
I was severely depressed but I didn't realize it. Not until several years later when I was depressed again. I tend to have these mood swings, or I did then, not so much now. I have learned to deal with it and realize that I do have a slight chemical imbalance that gets really out of whack when I tend to focus on situations and not on the LORD God. We have to realize our short comings and admit what they are to the LORD, so that He can help us get our focus back and our priorities straight again. Sometimes we have to do other things like eating right, exercising, or even taking certain medications to combat some of these problems. It was still several years before I realized that I had a pride issue and thought that Christians should not have to rely on outside help to solve depression. It was several years before I actually admitted to God that my pride was in the way of what He wanted to do in my life.
I think that it was during this fall that I just needed some outside help and had never really gone to talk to my Pastor before. He had come to visit us after both of the miscarriages and prayed with us. Our church was still small then. Unfortunately he doesn't have the time to visit as many people as he would like to visit. But I specifically remember that he shared some very practical things to do to help combat depression. I will share those the next time.
Monday, October 23, 2006
PLEASE PRAY FOR US
This is a picture of me and my daughter. Please pray for us when you think about us. I am currently serving as a part-time missionary with Child Evangelism Fellowship. My job is to recruit local Bible believing churches to adopt local public elementary schools to start Good News Clubs. The church recruits the volunteers, I train them to do the After School Good News Club. Right now we have 2 clubs. The second club is just getting started. Please pray that we can get at least 3 more clubs ready to start by Jan 1, 2007. I am also trying to recruit 6-7 more godly men and women who will be committed to serving on a Council or Board in order to establish the ministry of Child Evangelism Fellowship in the Low Country. We currently have 4 people who have volunteered to be on that Board, two men and two women.
Being a missionary is a not as scary as I thought it would be. I always had the idea that a missionary was someone who gave up everything to go to live in a hut in Africa. Some missionaries may be called to do that, but some missionaries can still live at home and do God's work. That is what I am doing. Literally as the local office is in my house at this point in time.
I know that I have been called to be on staff with CEF. How do I know? I can't explain it in words, but is a culmination of three things. It fits in with God's word that we are all called to share His gospel, I counseled with godly friends and had them pray with me about this decision and I have complete peace about this. It is just a knowing that I am right where God wants me to be. It is amazing to realize that for the first time in my life, I truly know that I am in God's will for my life.
Friday, October 20, 2006
EXTREME BURN OUT
After the miscarriage, I tried to go about things as usual. School was going to start soon and I had lots to do to get ready for a new school year. I just poured myself into activities. I remember that I needed some class credits as my teaching certificate was about to expire, so I signed up for a class. It was a lot of work. I also decided to try my hand at grant writing. I was fairly successful with that as I wrote two and received both of them. One was a personal grant for a project of my own. The other was in collaboration with a group of teachers and parents who wanted to see some new programs at the school to help the children succeed better in academics. I was so busy, between the class and the grants and just working everyday.
Shortly after the miscarriage, Steve was laid off from work. I think that he was technically fired, but some how it worked out that he could draw unemployment. Things were really tight financially. He become kind of depressed also, but he would never admit it.
I just kept going and going and going. I remember things kind of came to a head when we realized that Steve's mom was going to have bypass surgery. She did not take very good care of herself. She had diabetes and this was a result of lack of care on her part in eating right and exercising. Well, the day of her surgery, Steve's sister in law called and wanted to know why Steve did not call his mother before the surgery. She said that she told me what day the surgery was, but I don't remember her telling me. I didn't tell Steve, so how could he call her the day before? I remember that I felt terrible and went into the shower and cried and cried and cried for a very long time. I didn't realize how much I cried, until Steve came into the bathroom while I was still in the shower and wanted to know what was wrong. Evidently I had been howling and didn't realize that either. I told him what happened and he was fine with it. One of the few times that he really didn't blame me for something. I got blamed for most everything that went wrong.
That very weekend we drove back to West Virginia to see his mom while she was still in the hospital in ICU. IT was a long drive; we drove all night Friday night, slept for a couple of hours when we got to my parent's house, saw his mom and daughter on Saturday and then drove back to SC on Sunday and I went back to work on Monday. Steve was not working full time then so he could sleep in on Monday.
He did eventually get a part time job but he was only working 3 days a week.
I finally had a "burn out" day and I remember one fall day that I just called in sick. I wasn't really sick, but I wasn't in any shape to teach either. That actually was one good memory that I have with my husband. He knew that I was depressed, so he decided that we needed a change of scenery. It was a Friday so I had given myself a long weekend. We drove to Charleston, went to dinner and then went to the Coastal Carolina Fair. It really was a lot of fun. We walked around and ate one of those Elephant Ears. We looked at photography exhibits and other 4-H exhibits and even took in a couple of side shows. Then we drove home. We didn't talk much but the change of scenery helped anyway.
And then on top of all that, our cat got sick and had to be put down. Steve was more devastated over the cat than the miscarriage. Maybe it was just the straw that broke the camel's back. So many things had been happening and going on that we both just kinda fell apart.
I was still trying to keep my relationship with God viable. But I did not understand why all of these things were happening to us. I read God's Word almost every day, and I know now that is the only thing that kept me going. I had a dear Christian friend named Stephanie Pennington. She called me almost every day and we would talk. She prayed for me and with me and really encouraged me not to give up.
At each time in my life when I have been very depressed and discouraged God has provided a support system for me. There has always been close friends and my church family that have been there to pray for me and with me and to help me get through these really bad times. I am so thankful that God does provide for our emotional needs as well as our physical and spiritual needs.
Shortly after the miscarriage, Steve was laid off from work. I think that he was technically fired, but some how it worked out that he could draw unemployment. Things were really tight financially. He become kind of depressed also, but he would never admit it.
I just kept going and going and going. I remember things kind of came to a head when we realized that Steve's mom was going to have bypass surgery. She did not take very good care of herself. She had diabetes and this was a result of lack of care on her part in eating right and exercising. Well, the day of her surgery, Steve's sister in law called and wanted to know why Steve did not call his mother before the surgery. She said that she told me what day the surgery was, but I don't remember her telling me. I didn't tell Steve, so how could he call her the day before? I remember that I felt terrible and went into the shower and cried and cried and cried for a very long time. I didn't realize how much I cried, until Steve came into the bathroom while I was still in the shower and wanted to know what was wrong. Evidently I had been howling and didn't realize that either. I told him what happened and he was fine with it. One of the few times that he really didn't blame me for something. I got blamed for most everything that went wrong.
That very weekend we drove back to West Virginia to see his mom while she was still in the hospital in ICU. IT was a long drive; we drove all night Friday night, slept for a couple of hours when we got to my parent's house, saw his mom and daughter on Saturday and then drove back to SC on Sunday and I went back to work on Monday. Steve was not working full time then so he could sleep in on Monday.
He did eventually get a part time job but he was only working 3 days a week.
I finally had a "burn out" day and I remember one fall day that I just called in sick. I wasn't really sick, but I wasn't in any shape to teach either. That actually was one good memory that I have with my husband. He knew that I was depressed, so he decided that we needed a change of scenery. It was a Friday so I had given myself a long weekend. We drove to Charleston, went to dinner and then went to the Coastal Carolina Fair. It really was a lot of fun. We walked around and ate one of those Elephant Ears. We looked at photography exhibits and other 4-H exhibits and even took in a couple of side shows. Then we drove home. We didn't talk much but the change of scenery helped anyway.
And then on top of all that, our cat got sick and had to be put down. Steve was more devastated over the cat than the miscarriage. Maybe it was just the straw that broke the camel's back. So many things had been happening and going on that we both just kinda fell apart.
I was still trying to keep my relationship with God viable. But I did not understand why all of these things were happening to us. I read God's Word almost every day, and I know now that is the only thing that kept me going. I had a dear Christian friend named Stephanie Pennington. She called me almost every day and we would talk. She prayed for me and with me and really encouraged me not to give up.
At each time in my life when I have been very depressed and discouraged God has provided a support system for me. There has always been close friends and my church family that have been there to pray for me and with me and to help me get through these really bad times. I am so thankful that God does provide for our emotional needs as well as our physical and spiritual needs.
Monday, October 09, 2006
CONVICTION
Today I read Nehemiah 8:1-12. This is the account of the time that Ezra, the priest, reads the Law to the people. They people all gathered at the Water Gate of the city in the square by the gate. It says that he read from it all morning, “from early morning until midday.” (vs. 3) It also says how attentive the people were to hear the word. They did not complain about the length of the reading or the time of the day. When Ezra stood up to read, all of the people stood as well. They honored God’s Word and showed respect to it. They worshiped the Lord and there was physical evidence of that worship in their behavior. Upon completion of the reading Ezra blessed the Lord. “The people answered ‘Amen! Amen!’ while lifting up their hands. Then they bowed low and worshiped the Lord with their faces to the ground.” (vs. 6) This wasn’t just for show, but it was the attitude of their hearts. When was the last time you truly showed reverence for God and His word that you actually got on your face before Him? I know that I don’t do it at church when everyone would be watching. I might raise my hands, but even then I feel like others will think I am one of “those charismatic weirdoes.”
It was then that the priests (the Levites vs. 9) began to give the explanation. They didn’t just read and go home, but it was explained in an expository manner, I would presume from the scripture. Verse 8 says “They read from the book, from the law of God, translating to give the sense so that they understood the reading.” Think about this, they had just been standing all morning hearing the Word read from early morning until midday AND, THEN, they began to have the Word explained.
But the reaction of the people was what struck me about this passage. Verse 9 says that Nehemiah, the governor, told them not to “mourn or weep, For all the people were weeping when they heard the words of the law.” When was the last time I actually wept when I heard the Word of God read and explained? When was the last time that I was so convicted by the scripture that I did something about it? When have I mourned and wept because of my own sin?
We all complain because our church services last so long. We want to get home and get on with the day. I don’t understand people who get up and dress up just for a church service that lasts for only an hour; and if you add a traditional Sunday school to that, only another hour. We complain about the length of time that our pastor spends in preaching/teaching God’s Word. We don’t think about the last part of that sentence. It is GOD’S WORD!! It is the most powerful weapon that we can use against the Enemy! We have the opportunity to hear and be taught and learn the Word of God each and every Sunday and for what?? We leave the church building with apathetic hearts. We have heard, but we haven’t listened. The ‘eyes of our hearts’ have not been opened to what the Lord would want to have us hear that day.
If we haven’t heard from God, then how will we go out into the World to fight the battles we face daily? How will we know God’s will for our lives? How will we share the gospel with those we come into contact with on a daily basis? Are we even completely prepared to share the gospel from day to day? Do we have a sense of urgency to share the gospel with the lost people that we know? I have to admit that I have to answer in the negative regarding most of these questions. Because I am in ministry, I have been prepared to share the gospel from a “technical” point of view, but instead of being ready anytime, anywhere, I look for the most opportune times, such as at Good News Club or right after church. I don’t use those day to day encounters with people that I run into at the grocery, or cleaners, or bank, to share my faith. It has to be just the right setting so that I will be “comfortable” enough to share my faith.
It all goes back to “me.” Am I “comfortable” enough to share my faith? Regardless that there is a lost and dying world just outside my door, I have to be in the right place at the right time to feel like I need to share. I know that building relationships with people is important, too, but sometimes I wait too long to build those relationships because I am waiting for the right opportunity.
And then there is the fear of rejection. Most of my relatives are not very open when it comes to discussing spiritual things. They have always thought I have been off the “deep end” for many years, ever since college. Religion should just be a superficial thing we do on Sunday and then ignore it for the rest of the week. I have tried to explain to some of them that it is not a religion, but a relationship with a real person, the Living God. But they just don’t seem to understand. That grieves me. I want them to know the God that I know; the True and Living God who has provided for me day after day for more years than I can count. But I am afraid of being put down and rejected by them after I talk to them.
Lord, give me courage to speak about my faith, whenever and wherever, especially with my family. Give me a heart that weeps with conviction when I hear God’s Word read. Show me my sin and cleanse me from all unrighteousness. In your Name, I pray. Amen!
It was then that the priests (the Levites vs. 9) began to give the explanation. They didn’t just read and go home, but it was explained in an expository manner, I would presume from the scripture. Verse 8 says “They read from the book, from the law of God, translating to give the sense so that they understood the reading.” Think about this, they had just been standing all morning hearing the Word read from early morning until midday AND, THEN, they began to have the Word explained.
But the reaction of the people was what struck me about this passage. Verse 9 says that Nehemiah, the governor, told them not to “mourn or weep, For all the people were weeping when they heard the words of the law.” When was the last time I actually wept when I heard the Word of God read and explained? When was the last time that I was so convicted by the scripture that I did something about it? When have I mourned and wept because of my own sin?
We all complain because our church services last so long. We want to get home and get on with the day. I don’t understand people who get up and dress up just for a church service that lasts for only an hour; and if you add a traditional Sunday school to that, only another hour. We complain about the length of time that our pastor spends in preaching/teaching God’s Word. We don’t think about the last part of that sentence. It is GOD’S WORD!! It is the most powerful weapon that we can use against the Enemy! We have the opportunity to hear and be taught and learn the Word of God each and every Sunday and for what?? We leave the church building with apathetic hearts. We have heard, but we haven’t listened. The ‘eyes of our hearts’ have not been opened to what the Lord would want to have us hear that day.
If we haven’t heard from God, then how will we go out into the World to fight the battles we face daily? How will we know God’s will for our lives? How will we share the gospel with those we come into contact with on a daily basis? Are we even completely prepared to share the gospel from day to day? Do we have a sense of urgency to share the gospel with the lost people that we know? I have to admit that I have to answer in the negative regarding most of these questions. Because I am in ministry, I have been prepared to share the gospel from a “technical” point of view, but instead of being ready anytime, anywhere, I look for the most opportune times, such as at Good News Club or right after church. I don’t use those day to day encounters with people that I run into at the grocery, or cleaners, or bank, to share my faith. It has to be just the right setting so that I will be “comfortable” enough to share my faith.
It all goes back to “me.” Am I “comfortable” enough to share my faith? Regardless that there is a lost and dying world just outside my door, I have to be in the right place at the right time to feel like I need to share. I know that building relationships with people is important, too, but sometimes I wait too long to build those relationships because I am waiting for the right opportunity.
And then there is the fear of rejection. Most of my relatives are not very open when it comes to discussing spiritual things. They have always thought I have been off the “deep end” for many years, ever since college. Religion should just be a superficial thing we do on Sunday and then ignore it for the rest of the week. I have tried to explain to some of them that it is not a religion, but a relationship with a real person, the Living God. But they just don’t seem to understand. That grieves me. I want them to know the God that I know; the True and Living God who has provided for me day after day for more years than I can count. But I am afraid of being put down and rejected by them after I talk to them.
Lord, give me courage to speak about my faith, whenever and wherever, especially with my family. Give me a heart that weeps with conviction when I hear God’s Word read. Show me my sin and cleanse me from all unrighteousness. In your Name, I pray. Amen!
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
DISAPPOINTMENT
After Steve and I had been married about 5 or 6 years, my biological clock really began ticking and LOUDLY. After all, I had worked with young children for so many years and I really loved them, but something was missing. I always felt that God had called me to be a wife and mother. When I was young, people often asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I don't remember ever wanting to be anything except that - a wife and mother.
I do remember once in high school I was trying to decide what I wanted to do after graduation and I thought that maybe I would be a pharmacist like my dad, but there was way to much math and chemistry involved and I was never good at either of those.
I truly believe that God has given all women that nuturing instinct even if they can't or don't have children. I know that I had it and I often wondered if I ever would have children of my own. Remember, I was already 31 when I married for the first time. That is pretty late in life these days. Although, I am meeting more and more women who are having babies in their 30's more than ever before, and some in their 40's also.
In 1990, I discovered that I was expecting. I was elated!!! Steve seemed pretty excited as well. I found out I was pregnant in May. School was about out. We were packing up the house we rented on Lady's Island and moved into an area of town called Mossy Oaks.
School had been out for a week or so. We had pretty much everything unpacked and moved in. I went to church one Sunday and right at the end of the service when we stood up to sing, I felt something strange. I left immediately and went home. I went to the bathroom and discovered that I was bleeding. I remember I had that sick feeling that you get when things are not going right. I remember that I called an older lady that I knew from church, Sandy Voegeli, and asked her to pray for me. She told me to sit down and keep my feet up and if I still wasn't feeling well the next day to go to the doctor. That evening, I remember that I started having that "cramping" feeling. I went to the doctor the next day, and they sent me to the hospital for an ultrasound. This was before they had the equipment in the office. I remember laying on that bed and the technician didn't say a word. I kept asking her, but she just wouldn't say anything. Finally, I went back to the office and the doctor told me that the baby had died and that I was miscarrying. I just remember being so sad!!!
I called Sandy back and told her what was going on. Sandy was a real friend that day. I knew that she understood. She had had 13 miscarriages and never carried any babies to term. She did end up being the mother of 5 children, but all adopted.
I was devastated. I had to go the hospital for a D&C which was labeled on my hospital orders as a "theraputic abortion." I felt really strange. I knew that the baby had died and just came apart in my womb, but it bothered me that it was called an abortion. I came home after the procedure and slept for several hours. I don't remember too much. I just didn't want to think about it. I was soooo disappointed.
I do remember once in high school I was trying to decide what I wanted to do after graduation and I thought that maybe I would be a pharmacist like my dad, but there was way to much math and chemistry involved and I was never good at either of those.
I truly believe that God has given all women that nuturing instinct even if they can't or don't have children. I know that I had it and I often wondered if I ever would have children of my own. Remember, I was already 31 when I married for the first time. That is pretty late in life these days. Although, I am meeting more and more women who are having babies in their 30's more than ever before, and some in their 40's also.
In 1990, I discovered that I was expecting. I was elated!!! Steve seemed pretty excited as well. I found out I was pregnant in May. School was about out. We were packing up the house we rented on Lady's Island and moved into an area of town called Mossy Oaks.
School had been out for a week or so. We had pretty much everything unpacked and moved in. I went to church one Sunday and right at the end of the service when we stood up to sing, I felt something strange. I left immediately and went home. I went to the bathroom and discovered that I was bleeding. I remember I had that sick feeling that you get when things are not going right. I remember that I called an older lady that I knew from church, Sandy Voegeli, and asked her to pray for me. She told me to sit down and keep my feet up and if I still wasn't feeling well the next day to go to the doctor. That evening, I remember that I started having that "cramping" feeling. I went to the doctor the next day, and they sent me to the hospital for an ultrasound. This was before they had the equipment in the office. I remember laying on that bed and the technician didn't say a word. I kept asking her, but she just wouldn't say anything. Finally, I went back to the office and the doctor told me that the baby had died and that I was miscarrying. I just remember being so sad!!!
I called Sandy back and told her what was going on. Sandy was a real friend that day. I knew that she understood. She had had 13 miscarriages and never carried any babies to term. She did end up being the mother of 5 children, but all adopted.
I was devastated. I had to go the hospital for a D&C which was labeled on my hospital orders as a "theraputic abortion." I felt really strange. I knew that the baby had died and just came apart in my womb, but it bothered me that it was called an abortion. I came home after the procedure and slept for several hours. I don't remember too much. I just didn't want to think about it. I was soooo disappointed.
Friday, September 08, 2006
A "CLASSY" PROFESSION
It is hard to believe that is has been 21 years ago this month, Labor Day weekend to be exact that I moved to Beaufort, SC. That was in 1985. I taught in Beaufort County Schools for the next 14 years. The first 10 years, I taught Pre-Kindergarten. Because I loved working with young children, I really put everything I had into my job. I made educational games, wrote unit lesson plans, made graphics and visuals to go along with those lesson plans, cut and pasted until I was blue in the face, so to speak. But I loved every minute of it for the most part. I had great co-workers. My teacher assistant was terrific. She really loved the kids and taught me so much about people from "the Island," as it was called. I taught for the first three years at St. Helena Elementary School on St. Helena Island, SC. It was an old building at the time, that sits where the new Early Learning School now sits. The gymnasium is still there between the two schools that make up St. Helena now. I also worked with a wonderful principal named Mildred Wilson. She has since retired, but I run into her frequently, ususally at Golden Corral after church on any Sunday that we happen to go there to eat.
The next seven years I taught at Beaufort Elementary. I actually started the Pre-Kindergarten program at that school. The second year there were enough children for two classes. My friend Martha, transferred to BE and we really had a great time. We did things together as a grade level of two, field trips, movie Fridays, popcorn, recess, etc. There was also a teacher named Kristen, that we become friends with and the three of us made a great team. Kristen taught early childhood special education. The three of us did the school testing each year for the Child Find program. Because of our expertise in the area of early childhood and early detection of special needs children we were featured in a short documentary put out by the State Department of Education. It was a 30 minute TV program about Children's programs in SC and what was being done in Beaufort County particularly, and was aired several times on SCETV. That was my 30 minutes "claim to fame!" We often had visitors in our classrooms and new pre-K teachers were often sent to us to mentor and so they could observe us using the prescribed curriculum for Pre-K which at the time was the High/Scope Model. I really believe this is a good curriculum as it encourages the intellect of the child as they develop instead of pushing academics on children before they are "ready" to be able to learn particular skills.
Anyway, we were the model team. I also did extra things in my career such as wrote and published an activity book in-house that was given to all of the Pre-K teachers in Beaufort County as a resource. I helped to design a special lesson plan book for the Pre-K teachers, that was also published in-house and used by the Pre-k teachers for several years. I wrote grants not only for the school but for myself. One grant for about $1000 helped to fund the writing of the activity book. Another grant gave the school $5000 for special projects. Another year I wrote 4 grants and received 3 of them. I don't know why I was so successful at writing grants, but somehow it came easy to me.
I often thought about finishing my education and going for a doctorate, but I just never could bring myself to actually do it. Everytime I really thought about it, I kept thinking that it would be too difficult to do, and really try to focus on my marriage. I truly felt that was what God called me to do; to put my energies into my home and my marriage. So I put the idea of a doctorate out of my mind.
The next seven years I taught at Beaufort Elementary. I actually started the Pre-Kindergarten program at that school. The second year there were enough children for two classes. My friend Martha, transferred to BE and we really had a great time. We did things together as a grade level of two, field trips, movie Fridays, popcorn, recess, etc. There was also a teacher named Kristen, that we become friends with and the three of us made a great team. Kristen taught early childhood special education. The three of us did the school testing each year for the Child Find program. Because of our expertise in the area of early childhood and early detection of special needs children we were featured in a short documentary put out by the State Department of Education. It was a 30 minute TV program about Children's programs in SC and what was being done in Beaufort County particularly, and was aired several times on SCETV. That was my 30 minutes "claim to fame!" We often had visitors in our classrooms and new pre-K teachers were often sent to us to mentor and so they could observe us using the prescribed curriculum for Pre-K which at the time was the High/Scope Model. I really believe this is a good curriculum as it encourages the intellect of the child as they develop instead of pushing academics on children before they are "ready" to be able to learn particular skills.
Anyway, we were the model team. I also did extra things in my career such as wrote and published an activity book in-house that was given to all of the Pre-K teachers in Beaufort County as a resource. I helped to design a special lesson plan book for the Pre-K teachers, that was also published in-house and used by the Pre-k teachers for several years. I wrote grants not only for the school but for myself. One grant for about $1000 helped to fund the writing of the activity book. Another grant gave the school $5000 for special projects. Another year I wrote 4 grants and received 3 of them. I don't know why I was so successful at writing grants, but somehow it came easy to me.
I often thought about finishing my education and going for a doctorate, but I just never could bring myself to actually do it. Everytime I really thought about it, I kept thinking that it would be too difficult to do, and really try to focus on my marriage. I truly felt that was what God called me to do; to put my energies into my home and my marriage. So I put the idea of a doctorate out of my mind.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
MOVING TO SOUTH CAROLINA
The first few months of marriage were good. Somewhere along the line, something happened and Steve changed. I don't know what it was exactly, I know about when it happened and I do remember a particular incident that happened, and shortly after that things were just different. It's hard to explain.
My teaching job was a federal/state funded position, so some funds were cut and my position was cut. Steve had graduated from his program before we were married and was working in juvenile corrections at a local group home for boys. He enjoyed this job, but wanted something in electronics. I applied for some teaching positions in and around Ashland and Huntington, which are basically across the river from one another, but teaching positions are difficult in that area, because Marshall has the reputation of being one of the best teacher education schools in the country. I found some jobs at the Marshall job placement office and one was in Hilton Head, SC. I told Steve that I would apply just for a lark. I never expected that they would call me but they did and I interviewed at the end of the next week at Hilton Head High School. While I did not get that position, I did get a position teaching pre-kindergarten in the Beaufort County Public Schools and we relocated to SC in September of 1985.
It was a quick move as it was already the middle of August when I applied and interviewed in South Carolina for the job. School was to start in a week to 10 days and we had a whole household to pack. Plus I hadn't even talked it over with Steve. But he agreed and was ready for a change of scenery.
I didn't realize it until sometime later when I was praying that moving to the South Carolina Coast was really an answer to prayer. I had prayed one time as a teen that I might be able to live someday close to the ocean. My dad had taken us (my mom, sister and me) to Myrtle Beach a few times on vacation. I really loved the beach and especially walking on the beach and sitting in the sand and watching the sun go down, in the evening. I loved the beach at night listening to waves wash in and out rhythmically. It was very soothing. I loved getting up early at the beach and going to see the sun come up. I just loved the beach. I feel God's Sovereign majesty sitting by the ocean. The ocean, like our Great Lord and God, is so beauftiful, but must be respected because of its mighty power.
We moved the next weekend which was Labor Day weekend to South Carolina and camped at Hunting Island, until we found a house to rent. I had to get up and go to work from the beach for two or three mornings. That was quite an experience, but certainly better than staying in the old roach infested Buccanneer motel that we stayed in the first night.
More later.
My teaching job was a federal/state funded position, so some funds were cut and my position was cut. Steve had graduated from his program before we were married and was working in juvenile corrections at a local group home for boys. He enjoyed this job, but wanted something in electronics. I applied for some teaching positions in and around Ashland and Huntington, which are basically across the river from one another, but teaching positions are difficult in that area, because Marshall has the reputation of being one of the best teacher education schools in the country. I found some jobs at the Marshall job placement office and one was in Hilton Head, SC. I told Steve that I would apply just for a lark. I never expected that they would call me but they did and I interviewed at the end of the next week at Hilton Head High School. While I did not get that position, I did get a position teaching pre-kindergarten in the Beaufort County Public Schools and we relocated to SC in September of 1985.
It was a quick move as it was already the middle of August when I applied and interviewed in South Carolina for the job. School was to start in a week to 10 days and we had a whole household to pack. Plus I hadn't even talked it over with Steve. But he agreed and was ready for a change of scenery.
I didn't realize it until sometime later when I was praying that moving to the South Carolina Coast was really an answer to prayer. I had prayed one time as a teen that I might be able to live someday close to the ocean. My dad had taken us (my mom, sister and me) to Myrtle Beach a few times on vacation. I really loved the beach and especially walking on the beach and sitting in the sand and watching the sun go down, in the evening. I loved the beach at night listening to waves wash in and out rhythmically. It was very soothing. I loved getting up early at the beach and going to see the sun come up. I just loved the beach. I feel God's Sovereign majesty sitting by the ocean. The ocean, like our Great Lord and God, is so beauftiful, but must be respected because of its mighty power.
We moved the next weekend which was Labor Day weekend to South Carolina and camped at Hunting Island, until we found a house to rent. I had to get up and go to work from the beach for two or three mornings. That was quite an experience, but certainly better than staying in the old roach infested Buccanneer motel that we stayed in the first night.
More later.
Monday, August 28, 2006
THOUGHTS ABOUT DATING IN GENERAL
After my two main experiences dating and these were just about the only two guys that I ever really dated, I think that the dating scene is way over rated. I did go out time to time with a guy here and there, but never anyone regularly as I did with Rod or Steve.
I would not recommend dating in this fashion to any young person or teen especially if they are Christian young people. I know that I would rather protect my own daughter from this type of relationship and teach her about biblical purity. I don't want her to have to live with the guilt and sin that I had even though I did get married eventually. For the longest time, people thought that since we eloped then we must have "had" to get married. It really taints your reputation when you do questionable things. Not that the elopement was questionable, but my relationship with Steve before marriage. I really think that my compromising in some areas, though again I was "technically" pure, was part of the breakdown of our relationship after we were married. Not completely the reason, but part of it.
I want to encourage any young women that might read this blog to really study the scripture and see what it has to say about relationships between men and women.
Date in a group. Don't go out alone and don't spend lots of time alone with one person to which you are attracted. It isn't healthy and can lead to a lot of regrets that could change your whole relationship.
Our purity is like a match. You can strike a match once and light a fire and get a fire going. But once that match has been used it will never be the same again. While you might be able to relight it with another match, it won't burn as long, because it has been damaged. Once a young woman has lost her purity, while she may make a commitment to not indulge in that behavior again, she has lost something that she can never regain; and young men as well. Once you have stepped over the line and had an immoral relationship, things are never quite the same.
I would not recommend dating in this fashion to any young person or teen especially if they are Christian young people. I know that I would rather protect my own daughter from this type of relationship and teach her about biblical purity. I don't want her to have to live with the guilt and sin that I had even though I did get married eventually. For the longest time, people thought that since we eloped then we must have "had" to get married. It really taints your reputation when you do questionable things. Not that the elopement was questionable, but my relationship with Steve before marriage. I really think that my compromising in some areas, though again I was "technically" pure, was part of the breakdown of our relationship after we were married. Not completely the reason, but part of it.
I want to encourage any young women that might read this blog to really study the scripture and see what it has to say about relationships between men and women.
Date in a group. Don't go out alone and don't spend lots of time alone with one person to which you are attracted. It isn't healthy and can lead to a lot of regrets that could change your whole relationship.
Our purity is like a match. You can strike a match once and light a fire and get a fire going. But once that match has been used it will never be the same again. While you might be able to relight it with another match, it won't burn as long, because it has been damaged. Once a young woman has lost her purity, while she may make a commitment to not indulge in that behavior again, she has lost something that she can never regain; and young men as well. Once you have stepped over the line and had an immoral relationship, things are never quite the same.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
HOW MY BLOG GOT ITS NAME
I just came from Barb's Blog called A Chelsea Morning. She asked us to share how we named out blogs.
I think life is a journey. My life is a journey with the LORD. God has allowed me to go down certain paths and each of those paths that I have taken have helped to mold and shape the person that I am today. As a believer in Christ, we never reach our destination, at least not until we reach heaven to live with Him forever. So each day is a journey and the journey continues day by day. Every event, crisis, and situation(good or bad) that we encounter is part of that journey.
I dropped over to the blog about Emma Grace. (Several people including my friend, Angie have linked to this blog.) Emma's mom had a verse there: In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9.
We can make all kinds of plans, have all kinds of dreams and do all kinds of things, but actually, we do nothing if the LORD does not take us there. I know that I have made plans, but God was the one who ultimately determined my steps. I know that the journey of my life continues day by day and each day is a new adventure.
I think life is a journey. My life is a journey with the LORD. God has allowed me to go down certain paths and each of those paths that I have taken have helped to mold and shape the person that I am today. As a believer in Christ, we never reach our destination, at least not until we reach heaven to live with Him forever. So each day is a journey and the journey continues day by day. Every event, crisis, and situation(good or bad) that we encounter is part of that journey.
I dropped over to the blog about Emma Grace. (Several people including my friend, Angie have linked to this blog.) Emma's mom had a verse there: In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9.
We can make all kinds of plans, have all kinds of dreams and do all kinds of things, but actually, we do nothing if the LORD does not take us there. I know that I have made plans, but God was the one who ultimately determined my steps. I know that the journey of my life continues day by day and each day is a new adventure.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
FIVE THINGS TAG
I decided to tag myself!!! LOL!!!
Is that allowed?? Are there rules to the tag game?? Oh well, I guess I broke the rules!
Sorry!!! ;0)
Five things in my freezer:
Is that allowed?? Are there rules to the tag game?? Oh well, I guess I broke the rules!
Sorry!!! ;0)
Five things in my freezer:
- Almost finished container of Edy's Grande ice cream (no fat no sugar added!!)
- ice
- water bottles with frozen water
- walnuts
- bananas (for that nut bread I keep saying I am going to bake!)
Five things in my closet:
- a geosafari
- some xmas presents for this xmas
- my clothes
- shoes
- dress up clothes/costumes
Five things in my car:
- mini phone book
- umbrella
- first aid kit
- offering envelopes
- bags for trash
Five things in my purse
- a little bit of loose change
- lipstick holder
- lipliner
- wallet size new testament
- wallet
Five things in my wallet:
- receipts
- driver's license
- insurance card
- emergency car key
- magnifying glass (card size)
DATING
In 1980, I moved home from Roseville, Michigan which is a suberb of Detroit, Michigan. I worked in a church as a youth director. Youth was not my thing. I moved home on New Year's Eve and started the New Year back home in Huntington. I enrolled in graduate courses and found a job the following fall working in the same daycare center I had worked in before I left for seminary. I applied for a position as a home ec teacher in a vocational school in Ashland, Kentucky. I went to work there in the Spring of 1981. I taught Child Development for four years. While teaching child development to high school as well as adult students, I ran a small scale day care facility in conjunction with the program. The class trained Child Care workers for day care center work.
I met my husband, Stephen Kanous Gant, while teaching there in Ashland in December 1982. He was enrolled in an adult course in Radio and TV repair. He was awfully good with things of that nature. We become engaged in Decmber 1983 and were married in April of 1984.
I was still going to church when I met Steve. However, I had been dating a gentleman from my church just previously to meeting Steve, named Rod. We had a very emotional relationship as far as I was concerned. I really thought that I was in love with him and he had asked me to marry him. I was thinking that was what would happen, but he began cutting himself off from me. Our relationship was not healthy and while I "technically" remained pure, it was getting harder and harder each time we were together. I think that was part of the reason that Rod broke the relationship off, and also because he had two children from a previous marriage who did not like me. He was really influenced by his children, even though they were relatively young at the time. Not that that was a bad thing, but some of their reasons for not liking me had nothing to do with realty. They were jealous of our relationship and he couldn't see that. I liked the boys OK, but I know it would have been difficult had we married.
Another reason, I think that Rod broke off the relationship was because of money. He was a construction worker and did not work regularly. He also did not plan and save for the times he was not working, which was not very wise. He was a musician by heart and really knew music and wanted to go into music ministry. In fact he led the worship at our church. We both sang in the choir at the time we were dating. He really wanted to attend Moody Bible Institute and major in music. The plan was that we would marry, I would work while he went to school, which is what a lot of people do. Couples in seminary did that: wives worked and put husbands through seminary. My mom worked and put my dad through pharmacy college. I wasn't opposed to it. But that never happened. We broke up, I met Steve and married him instead.
I found out recently (as in the last year) that Moody Bible Institute has a policy that the men have to work and go to school and that wives are not expected to work as in a more biblical model. I am sure that is probably why he gave up the idea of going to Moody. Also it is very hard to get in and accepted. You have to be exceptional to get in. He was talented, but not exceptional.
Anyway, I was really depressed about breaking up with Rod. We dated on and off for over a year. It was in the fall of 1982 that we really broke up finally. I was really discouraged about men and dating and just came to a point that I was content with being single. Then I met Steve. He was rather shy and just opposite of Rod in everyway. Rod was blonde haired and blue eyed, Steve had dark hair and dark eyes. Rod was always clean shaven and Steve had a mustache. He was older than Rod and definitely more mature. Rod was very tall and while Steve was tall, he wasn't as tall as Rod.
Steve had also been married before. I don't know why I was attracted to men who had already been married. This should have been a major red flag. Both times, but I wasn't taking God's Word completely to heart. I knew what scripture said about being unequally yoked, while I didn't think it applied to either Steve or Rod, I knew that, because they both had been married it really wasn't a good idea to date either of them. But there were hardly any men that I knew that were single and not previously married or if they hadn't been married before, they were not "pure." The 70's and 80's still had a very liberal view of committed relationships. Divorce was high and the attitude prevailed that if you get married and it doesn't work out get a divorce. Well, I knew that I did not want to be in that mindset. So when Steve and I began discussing marriage, I told him that while, he had been divorced and things hadn't worked out in the past, that regardless of what happened, I was not leaving and was in for the duration.
We became engaged on Christmas Eve, 1983 and planned a wedding to elope in April of 1984. Yes we eloped. I really thought I would regret it, but that is one thing that I can say, I do not regret. It was the most fun planning the wedding and our honeymoon. We got married on my Spring Break from school. Got married on Tuesday morning, left on our honeymoon trip and returned on Friday afternoon. I went back to work the next Monday. Somehow somebody found out that I had gotten married, so no one was surprised. My parents were upset, however, and definitely let us know about it. But they eventually got over it and my mom took me shopping, paid for my dress and bought us some things for our home. I think in the long run, though, they were relieved that they did not have the expense of a huge wedding like my sister's and decided that elopement wasn't so bad after all. Although they would have settled for a small wedding with family and a few friends, there was virtually no cost to them for anything except what they wanted to pay for, which in reality had already been paid for, like my dress.
I have some thoughts about dating, but I am going to save those for my next blog.
I met my husband, Stephen Kanous Gant, while teaching there in Ashland in December 1982. He was enrolled in an adult course in Radio and TV repair. He was awfully good with things of that nature. We become engaged in Decmber 1983 and were married in April of 1984.
I was still going to church when I met Steve. However, I had been dating a gentleman from my church just previously to meeting Steve, named Rod. We had a very emotional relationship as far as I was concerned. I really thought that I was in love with him and he had asked me to marry him. I was thinking that was what would happen, but he began cutting himself off from me. Our relationship was not healthy and while I "technically" remained pure, it was getting harder and harder each time we were together. I think that was part of the reason that Rod broke the relationship off, and also because he had two children from a previous marriage who did not like me. He was really influenced by his children, even though they were relatively young at the time. Not that that was a bad thing, but some of their reasons for not liking me had nothing to do with realty. They were jealous of our relationship and he couldn't see that. I liked the boys OK, but I know it would have been difficult had we married.
Another reason, I think that Rod broke off the relationship was because of money. He was a construction worker and did not work regularly. He also did not plan and save for the times he was not working, which was not very wise. He was a musician by heart and really knew music and wanted to go into music ministry. In fact he led the worship at our church. We both sang in the choir at the time we were dating. He really wanted to attend Moody Bible Institute and major in music. The plan was that we would marry, I would work while he went to school, which is what a lot of people do. Couples in seminary did that: wives worked and put husbands through seminary. My mom worked and put my dad through pharmacy college. I wasn't opposed to it. But that never happened. We broke up, I met Steve and married him instead.
I found out recently (as in the last year) that Moody Bible Institute has a policy that the men have to work and go to school and that wives are not expected to work as in a more biblical model. I am sure that is probably why he gave up the idea of going to Moody. Also it is very hard to get in and accepted. You have to be exceptional to get in. He was talented, but not exceptional.
Anyway, I was really depressed about breaking up with Rod. We dated on and off for over a year. It was in the fall of 1982 that we really broke up finally. I was really discouraged about men and dating and just came to a point that I was content with being single. Then I met Steve. He was rather shy and just opposite of Rod in everyway. Rod was blonde haired and blue eyed, Steve had dark hair and dark eyes. Rod was always clean shaven and Steve had a mustache. He was older than Rod and definitely more mature. Rod was very tall and while Steve was tall, he wasn't as tall as Rod.
Steve had also been married before. I don't know why I was attracted to men who had already been married. This should have been a major red flag. Both times, but I wasn't taking God's Word completely to heart. I knew what scripture said about being unequally yoked, while I didn't think it applied to either Steve or Rod, I knew that, because they both had been married it really wasn't a good idea to date either of them. But there were hardly any men that I knew that were single and not previously married or if they hadn't been married before, they were not "pure." The 70's and 80's still had a very liberal view of committed relationships. Divorce was high and the attitude prevailed that if you get married and it doesn't work out get a divorce. Well, I knew that I did not want to be in that mindset. So when Steve and I began discussing marriage, I told him that while, he had been divorced and things hadn't worked out in the past, that regardless of what happened, I was not leaving and was in for the duration.
We became engaged on Christmas Eve, 1983 and planned a wedding to elope in April of 1984. Yes we eloped. I really thought I would regret it, but that is one thing that I can say, I do not regret. It was the most fun planning the wedding and our honeymoon. We got married on my Spring Break from school. Got married on Tuesday morning, left on our honeymoon trip and returned on Friday afternoon. I went back to work the next Monday. Somehow somebody found out that I had gotten married, so no one was surprised. My parents were upset, however, and definitely let us know about it. But they eventually got over it and my mom took me shopping, paid for my dress and bought us some things for our home. I think in the long run, though, they were relieved that they did not have the expense of a huge wedding like my sister's and decided that elopement wasn't so bad after all. Although they would have settled for a small wedding with family and a few friends, there was virtually no cost to them for anything except what they wanted to pay for, which in reality had already been paid for, like my dress.
I have some thoughts about dating, but I am going to save those for my next blog.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
EDUCATION
I graduated from Huntington East High School in Huntington, West Virginia in 1970. I never really liked school, because I was not a very good student. I did not like the cliques in the school. I guess all schools are like that, even the homeschool support group to which I now belong. The kids are more in cliques than the adults, but we all tend to have our own little niche.
In high school, there was the popular crowd or the "in" crowd, there was the "smart" crowd not quite "in" but sort of; some of the "in" crowd was "smart" as well. There were the "athletes" of course - mainly football and basketball players. (We only had male teams, no female teams in basketball. ) There were the "hoods;" they mostly hung out in the "trade" school. These were all the " smoking and getting into trouble" kinda kids. I wasn't in any of those crowds. I had a group of friends that really weren't in any of the above mentioned cliques. I guess our "clique" was really the largest part of the school. We didn't do real great academically, but we did ok. We weren't athletes, we weren't popular.
I wasn't sad at graduation like a lot of the girls. I remember girls crying and carrying on and I was thinking, boy am I glad to get out of this school.
I enrolled that very summer into college and took my first college course: English 101. I went to Marshall University also in Huntington. My freshman year was very traumatic for the whole university. One week before Thanksgiving, the varsity football team was coming home from an away game at East Tennessee State Univerisity. They were flying into the local airport which is located on the top of a mountain. Something happened and the pilot missed the runway and crashed the plane into the side of the mountain. There were no survivors. The only football players who survived, had been injured in an earlier game and did not go on this trip. It was a very sombering experience to go back to classes and see empty seats of players that had been there only last week. It really brought the whole town together. I remember that my future brother-in-law was the Student body president that year and he had a very prominent role in trying to hold the academic body together and it was very difficult. He presided at one of the many memorial services that were held. The one I remember most vividly that was televised was held in the Memorial Field House. It was the same place that my high school graduation had taken place. It was pretty much packed with the community. One hymn that was played was "God Our Help in Ages Past." I always remember that year whenever that hymn is sung.
On the bright side, they are now making a major motion picture about this event. The movie is called We Are Marshall. It is mainly about the challenge of the coach that was hired after the crash to rebuild the football program. Right now Marshall has one of the best football progams in the country and several of its players have gone on to play professional football.
I took 5 years to finish 4 years of college, because I changed my major after my sophmore year. I knew I wanted to be in education, but I wasn't sure what area. I started out as an English major with a minor in Spanish. I changed to Home Economics. I am not sure why. Mainly, I think that I had in the back of my mind that learning how to run a house and the ability to cook, sew and take care of children would be good for me. I was already reading and studying Titus at the time, both books of Timothy, 1 Peter, all the passages that talk about the roles of women. While I was reading those passages, I was immersed in a very feminist society in the university setting. Get a job, go to work, learn how to take care of yourself, you don't need a man in your life. I was going to Christian bible studies, but while the bible was being taught, these particular passages were not being taught to women. We were still trying to make God's Word fit into society, instead of trying to mold our lives/society/culture into what God would have it to be.
I remember a history class that I took my freshman or sophmore year. We had a women professor who was very feminist. She was not married and had her doctorate. I don't think that she ever got married either. I don't think that she ever wanted to get married. Some discussion came up in class about marriage and I remember vividly sharing what God's word said about women's roles and about marriage and she shot me down with a verbal whip that still stings to this very day. I don't remember what she said exactly, but you have to know it wasn't in support of biblical womanhood. I still was not a very good student. I got a D in that class. I think that I probably didn't study as much as I should have, but I always said that I got the D because I disagreed with the Prof!! It seems that I did get C's on all of my papers and things, so I don't know if I really deserved the D or not. I did not fight it; what was the point.
Anyway, I never really wanted to be a career woman. I always wanted to be a wife and mother. I guess that is why I decided to major in Home Economics because it centered around the home. I knew that was biblical. I graduated from Marshall in 1975. I began taking some graduate courses that next year and was employed in a daycare center. My degree was in vocational home economics, and I did think that I might teach in a vocational school one day. In order to teach you had to have so many hours of field experience in the particular area - child care, foods, sewing, etc. I worked for a year and then I decided that God wanted me to further my education so I went to seminary for my masters program. I enrolled in Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in the fall of 1976. SBTS is located in Louisville, Ky. I loved Louisville, still do and still have good friends there to this day. I graduated in December of 1978 with a Masters in Religious Education and stayed in Louisville until June. I got a position as a Youth Director in a church in Roseville, Michigan. I moved back to Huntington on New Year's Eve and started back to Marshall in the spring of 1980.
OK, that is all for now. I could go on and on and on and on.............................
In high school, there was the popular crowd or the "in" crowd, there was the "smart" crowd not quite "in" but sort of; some of the "in" crowd was "smart" as well. There were the "athletes" of course - mainly football and basketball players. (We only had male teams, no female teams in basketball. ) There were the "hoods;" they mostly hung out in the "trade" school. These were all the " smoking and getting into trouble" kinda kids. I wasn't in any of those crowds. I had a group of friends that really weren't in any of the above mentioned cliques. I guess our "clique" was really the largest part of the school. We didn't do real great academically, but we did ok. We weren't athletes, we weren't popular.
I wasn't sad at graduation like a lot of the girls. I remember girls crying and carrying on and I was thinking, boy am I glad to get out of this school.
I enrolled that very summer into college and took my first college course: English 101. I went to Marshall University also in Huntington. My freshman year was very traumatic for the whole university. One week before Thanksgiving, the varsity football team was coming home from an away game at East Tennessee State Univerisity. They were flying into the local airport which is located on the top of a mountain. Something happened and the pilot missed the runway and crashed the plane into the side of the mountain. There were no survivors. The only football players who survived, had been injured in an earlier game and did not go on this trip. It was a very sombering experience to go back to classes and see empty seats of players that had been there only last week. It really brought the whole town together. I remember that my future brother-in-law was the Student body president that year and he had a very prominent role in trying to hold the academic body together and it was very difficult. He presided at one of the many memorial services that were held. The one I remember most vividly that was televised was held in the Memorial Field House. It was the same place that my high school graduation had taken place. It was pretty much packed with the community. One hymn that was played was "God Our Help in Ages Past." I always remember that year whenever that hymn is sung.
On the bright side, they are now making a major motion picture about this event. The movie is called We Are Marshall. It is mainly about the challenge of the coach that was hired after the crash to rebuild the football program. Right now Marshall has one of the best football progams in the country and several of its players have gone on to play professional football.
I took 5 years to finish 4 years of college, because I changed my major after my sophmore year. I knew I wanted to be in education, but I wasn't sure what area. I started out as an English major with a minor in Spanish. I changed to Home Economics. I am not sure why. Mainly, I think that I had in the back of my mind that learning how to run a house and the ability to cook, sew and take care of children would be good for me. I was already reading and studying Titus at the time, both books of Timothy, 1 Peter, all the passages that talk about the roles of women. While I was reading those passages, I was immersed in a very feminist society in the university setting. Get a job, go to work, learn how to take care of yourself, you don't need a man in your life. I was going to Christian bible studies, but while the bible was being taught, these particular passages were not being taught to women. We were still trying to make God's Word fit into society, instead of trying to mold our lives/society/culture into what God would have it to be.
I remember a history class that I took my freshman or sophmore year. We had a women professor who was very feminist. She was not married and had her doctorate. I don't think that she ever got married either. I don't think that she ever wanted to get married. Some discussion came up in class about marriage and I remember vividly sharing what God's word said about women's roles and about marriage and she shot me down with a verbal whip that still stings to this very day. I don't remember what she said exactly, but you have to know it wasn't in support of biblical womanhood. I still was not a very good student. I got a D in that class. I think that I probably didn't study as much as I should have, but I always said that I got the D because I disagreed with the Prof!! It seems that I did get C's on all of my papers and things, so I don't know if I really deserved the D or not. I did not fight it; what was the point.
Anyway, I never really wanted to be a career woman. I always wanted to be a wife and mother. I guess that is why I decided to major in Home Economics because it centered around the home. I knew that was biblical. I graduated from Marshall in 1975. I began taking some graduate courses that next year and was employed in a daycare center. My degree was in vocational home economics, and I did think that I might teach in a vocational school one day. In order to teach you had to have so many hours of field experience in the particular area - child care, foods, sewing, etc. I worked for a year and then I decided that God wanted me to further my education so I went to seminary for my masters program. I enrolled in Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in the fall of 1976. SBTS is located in Louisville, Ky. I loved Louisville, still do and still have good friends there to this day. I graduated in December of 1978 with a Masters in Religious Education and stayed in Louisville until June. I got a position as a Youth Director in a church in Roseville, Michigan. I moved back to Huntington on New Year's Eve and started back to Marshall in the spring of 1980.
OK, that is all for now. I could go on and on and on and on.............................
BLOGGING IS FUN!!!
This is really fun. I get to write and see what I have written published on the world wide web for the whole world to read!!! OOOOh- that's a scary thought. But it will keep me from writing anything that might be considered inappropriate!! And besides, I have always wanted to be able to share my story and prayerfully hope that other women can learn from my mistakes. Angie at Carolina Rags is too kind and always tells me what wisdom I have. I don't know that it is wisdom particularly, but I have learned from my experiences and am happy to share what I have learned with other women, in hopes that they can be inspired and encouraged to keep on keeping on. We just have to keep pressing on and pressing into God. He is our only hope.
I also have been doing some exploration on this website and have found the Dashboard and was able to delete my double post and edit my other posts and change the titles so they didn't look all alike. Thanks to Monica at The Homespun Heart for helping me with that. Maybe I will be able to figure out some of the other things as well.
I am going to try figure out the hyperlinks as my next mini-blog project!!! As well as continue to write more of my testimony. Maybe I will try to upload a picture of me as well.
Here's to Happy Blogging!!!
PS. I think I was successul with the hyperlinks. That was really easy!!! This really is a fun way to do a web page.
I also have been doing some exploration on this website and have found the Dashboard and was able to delete my double post and edit my other posts and change the titles so they didn't look all alike. Thanks to Monica at The Homespun Heart for helping me with that. Maybe I will be able to figure out some of the other things as well.
I am going to try figure out the hyperlinks as my next mini-blog project!!! As well as continue to write more of my testimony. Maybe I will try to upload a picture of me as well.
Here's to Happy Blogging!!!
PS. I think I was successul with the hyperlinks. That was really easy!!! This really is a fun way to do a web page.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
REND YOUR HEART
Today for my quiet time I read in the Old Testament, Joel 2:1-17. Verses 12 and 13 really spoke to my heart.
"Yet even now," declares the Lord.
"Return to Me with all your hear ,
And with fasting, weeping, and mourning;
And REND your heart and not your garments"
Now return to the LORD your God,
For He is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness
And relenting of evil.
I need to return to God with ALL of my heart. I know that I am a sinner saved only by the grace of God. But have I truly repented and mourned my sin? It was the custom in those days to tear, rip and/or split your garments in great anguish as a sign of mourning. The LORD wants us to be so repentant and so sorry for our sin that we will rend our hearts and not our clothing. Am I sorry enough for my sin that I would rip out my heart? Do I have true repentance for my sin? Do I have a godly grief that will change my mind, heart and life to want to turn from a godless life to real life with HIM? I need to recognize that life without God is wrong and to be so completely sorry for the pain that I have caused by the godless life I have lived and to change to God's way of living. REND in this verse literally means in the Hebrew "to cut out." Are you so pained over your sin, so grieved over your sin that you are willing to cut out your heart in order to change to live God's way?
I know that I have not lived a bad life. I am in ministry and I have accepted Jesus as Savior and LORD of my life. I am trusting HIM each and every day, but I need to remember that every time I sin, no matter how small or large, it cost HIM a great price. He died because of my selfishness, pride, boasting, and self-centered ego. He died for the sin of hateful words, proud words, and gossip that comes from my tongue.
Lord, do we ever truly have godly grief over our sin? Is our sin ever before us? Are we aware of our sin, and know that living a godless life is wrong? How can we be truly repentant of our sin? Are we ever so grieved that we literally mourn over our sin as if a loved one had died? Are we truly sorry for the pain that we have caused others by going our own way and not willling to live God's way?
Help me, LORD, to truly be in mourning over my sin. Help me to carry out Your Word and to listen to your voice. Thank You that You are gracious and compassionate toward us. That You are slow to anger, abound in lovingkindness and that You do relent of evil towards Your children. This is the grace and mercy that we do not deserve.
I offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving up to You for Your goodness and lovingkindness towards me.
"Yet even now," declares the Lord.
"Return to Me with all your hear ,
And with fasting, weeping, and mourning;
And REND your heart and not your garments"
Now return to the LORD your God,
For He is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness
And relenting of evil.
I need to return to God with ALL of my heart. I know that I am a sinner saved only by the grace of God. But have I truly repented and mourned my sin? It was the custom in those days to tear, rip and/or split your garments in great anguish as a sign of mourning. The LORD wants us to be so repentant and so sorry for our sin that we will rend our hearts and not our clothing. Am I sorry enough for my sin that I would rip out my heart? Do I have true repentance for my sin? Do I have a godly grief that will change my mind, heart and life to want to turn from a godless life to real life with HIM? I need to recognize that life without God is wrong and to be so completely sorry for the pain that I have caused by the godless life I have lived and to change to God's way of living. REND in this verse literally means in the Hebrew "to cut out." Are you so pained over your sin, so grieved over your sin that you are willing to cut out your heart in order to change to live God's way?
I know that I have not lived a bad life. I am in ministry and I have accepted Jesus as Savior and LORD of my life. I am trusting HIM each and every day, but I need to remember that every time I sin, no matter how small or large, it cost HIM a great price. He died because of my selfishness, pride, boasting, and self-centered ego. He died for the sin of hateful words, proud words, and gossip that comes from my tongue.
Lord, do we ever truly have godly grief over our sin? Is our sin ever before us? Are we aware of our sin, and know that living a godless life is wrong? How can we be truly repentant of our sin? Are we ever so grieved that we literally mourn over our sin as if a loved one had died? Are we truly sorry for the pain that we have caused others by going our own way and not willling to live God's way?
Help me, LORD, to truly be in mourning over my sin. Help me to carry out Your Word and to listen to your voice. Thank You that You are gracious and compassionate toward us. That You are slow to anger, abound in lovingkindness and that You do relent of evil towards Your children. This is the grace and mercy that we do not deserve.
I offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving up to You for Your goodness and lovingkindness towards me.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
JOB'S DAUGHTER YEARS
The Journey Continues part three
I graduated from high school in 1970 and from college in 1975. That was a time when the drug/sex culture was really in swing. God had His hand on my life I am sure of that fact. I never had a problem with drugs or sex. I was never approached regarding drugs mainly because I didn't hang out with those kind of people. I think that kids can stay clean if they have good influences in their lives. I was so blessed that I did have good influences and was very actively involved in the youth group at our church. My big social life was going to Bible studies and Wednesday night church.
While I was in high school I was also a member of a group called Job's Daughters. It was like a sorority for girls in junior high and high school. In order to be a member you had to be a relative of a man who was a member of the Masonic order. I know that there is a lot of controversy in Christian circles about the secret society of the Masons. I can't tell you what the truth is about that, but I can tell you about Job's Daughters. It is based on the writings of the Book of Job in the Bible. In the initiation ceremony, the whole story of Job is told from memory by the members of the Bethel (the local group of Job's Daughters is called a Bethel). It really is a beautiful ceremony and a beautiful story. The group is a social organization that has fund raising activities as well as community service projects. It taught me how to speak in front of a group, to be a leader and to work with people of different backgrounds. Some of the girls were Christians, but most of them weren't even if they did go to church. I learned the hard way about submitting to authority when I didn't want to, and about things not always being your way or about you. The offices were changed every six months in January and in June. I was installed as the presiding officer(the Honored Queen or "onery queen' as my aunt "Ernie" called me) in January of 1972 when I was 19 years old. It was like planning a wedding. I got a beautiful purple and lavender gown Juliet style. (I still have it. Caroline actually wore it one Halloween for trick or treat!) We had a formal reception after the ceremony. During the meetings we wore white robes with purple cords and the three main presiding officers wore purple capes and crowns. It really was a wonderful experience in some ways for me. Every girl wants to feel like a princess and I certainly did on my Installation day. It is almost like a coronation. You kneel at the altar and are crowned and caped by the outgoing officer. You take an oath of office and prayers are recited. There is special music and then you are escorted to the podium and handed your gavel to preside over the rest of the meeting. My gavel which I still have was handmade by my grandfather. I had purple and lavender ribbons tied on it for when I used it. I learned a lot from being in Job's Daughters. I also learned some stuff that I don't want my daughter to have to go through. There is a lot of bickering among girls. People's feelings are easily hurt by many things. Even though it was a basically "Christian" organization, most people associated with it weren't real Christians even though, as I said earlier they all went to church. There was a lot of fighting not only among the girls, but among the adults. It was horrendous at times.
My Christian friends, didn't understand why I was a part of this organization and the girls in JD didn't understand my Christian friends. I think sometimes my Christian friends were jealous of my involvement, because I really got to do a lot of neat things. We traveled all over our state (West Virginia) and met other girls in JD. I also got to go to several International gatherings, in Indianapolis, St. Louis and one in Hershey, PA.
My JD friends didn't understand me though because I was very serious about my Christian faith. I remember an incident that I had with a friend in JD on one of the trips, I think to Indianapolis. I had just returned from spending several weeks as a summer missionary with CEF and I was still in "missionary" mode. We were riding on the back of the bus and were talking. I don't remember what we were talking about, but I do remember vividly sharing the 8th chapter of Romans with her. I was reading and sharing starting with verse 31 - What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? 32 - He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things? 35 - Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation or distress, or persecution or famine, or nakedness or peril or sword? 37- But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loves us. 38- For I am convinced that neither death, not life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present nor things to come, nor power, 39 - nor height nor depth, not any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our LORD.
Be sure to read the whole chaper. These are such awesome promises. I remember telling her that very thing. She had the strangest look on her face and she said, Excuse me, and got up and left me and sat with another friend. She ignored me the whole rest of the trip and that was on the first day. I remember how horrible I felt. I had another incident on the same trip with a very young girl that was a member. She was very immature and one night during one of the meetings, she kept getting up and leaving and coming back and was very disruptive. I told her she just needed to sit down and be quiet. She was mad and "tattled" on me to our main chaperone, Mrs. Wells. I got called to Mrs. Wells' room for a "talking to". She told me that I was being a nuisance and the girls didn't like it that I was talking to them about the Bible and that I shouldn't be "bossing" the younger ones around. I remember feeling like I had done something wrong. My parents and my sister were with us on this trip and I remember my mother asking me what was wrong and I wouldn't tell her because I was ashamed. I was afraid she was going to be mad at me, too. She probably would have been. She didn't think people should be so bold sharing their faith.
I guess those times are still a lot like these times. You will always be persecuted for sharing your faith. I had forgotten about that experience until I started blogging tonight. That was also the first year I had worked with Child Evangelism Fellowship and it was right after my term as "Ornery" Queen. I am always amazed when I look back at my life and see how God acquainted me with that mission agency then and to see where I am now.
Someone asked me one time if I would encourage young girls to join JD. I said no, I don't think I would. I know that I wouldn't want Caroline to join. There are so many other more wholesome Christian groups. But I guess wherever there are people there will be conflicts and you have to learn how to deal with those conflicts. That is also part of the Christian process of becoming like Christ. The iron sharpening iron.
Well, once again, I have written way more than most people will want to read in a sitting. I just start writing and I can't stop. And I also noticed that the last time I double posted my entry. Is there any way to edit that and delete the second entry? Can someone help me here?????
I graduated from high school in 1970 and from college in 1975. That was a time when the drug/sex culture was really in swing. God had His hand on my life I am sure of that fact. I never had a problem with drugs or sex. I was never approached regarding drugs mainly because I didn't hang out with those kind of people. I think that kids can stay clean if they have good influences in their lives. I was so blessed that I did have good influences and was very actively involved in the youth group at our church. My big social life was going to Bible studies and Wednesday night church.
While I was in high school I was also a member of a group called Job's Daughters. It was like a sorority for girls in junior high and high school. In order to be a member you had to be a relative of a man who was a member of the Masonic order. I know that there is a lot of controversy in Christian circles about the secret society of the Masons. I can't tell you what the truth is about that, but I can tell you about Job's Daughters. It is based on the writings of the Book of Job in the Bible. In the initiation ceremony, the whole story of Job is told from memory by the members of the Bethel (the local group of Job's Daughters is called a Bethel). It really is a beautiful ceremony and a beautiful story. The group is a social organization that has fund raising activities as well as community service projects. It taught me how to speak in front of a group, to be a leader and to work with people of different backgrounds. Some of the girls were Christians, but most of them weren't even if they did go to church. I learned the hard way about submitting to authority when I didn't want to, and about things not always being your way or about you. The offices were changed every six months in January and in June. I was installed as the presiding officer(the Honored Queen or "onery queen' as my aunt "Ernie" called me) in January of 1972 when I was 19 years old. It was like planning a wedding. I got a beautiful purple and lavender gown Juliet style. (I still have it. Caroline actually wore it one Halloween for trick or treat!) We had a formal reception after the ceremony. During the meetings we wore white robes with purple cords and the three main presiding officers wore purple capes and crowns. It really was a wonderful experience in some ways for me. Every girl wants to feel like a princess and I certainly did on my Installation day. It is almost like a coronation. You kneel at the altar and are crowned and caped by the outgoing officer. You take an oath of office and prayers are recited. There is special music and then you are escorted to the podium and handed your gavel to preside over the rest of the meeting. My gavel which I still have was handmade by my grandfather. I had purple and lavender ribbons tied on it for when I used it. I learned a lot from being in Job's Daughters. I also learned some stuff that I don't want my daughter to have to go through. There is a lot of bickering among girls. People's feelings are easily hurt by many things. Even though it was a basically "Christian" organization, most people associated with it weren't real Christians even though, as I said earlier they all went to church. There was a lot of fighting not only among the girls, but among the adults. It was horrendous at times.
My Christian friends, didn't understand why I was a part of this organization and the girls in JD didn't understand my Christian friends. I think sometimes my Christian friends were jealous of my involvement, because I really got to do a lot of neat things. We traveled all over our state (West Virginia) and met other girls in JD. I also got to go to several International gatherings, in Indianapolis, St. Louis and one in Hershey, PA.
My JD friends didn't understand me though because I was very serious about my Christian faith. I remember an incident that I had with a friend in JD on one of the trips, I think to Indianapolis. I had just returned from spending several weeks as a summer missionary with CEF and I was still in "missionary" mode. We were riding on the back of the bus and were talking. I don't remember what we were talking about, but I do remember vividly sharing the 8th chapter of Romans with her. I was reading and sharing starting with verse 31 - What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? 32 - He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things? 35 - Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation or distress, or persecution or famine, or nakedness or peril or sword? 37- But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loves us. 38- For I am convinced that neither death, not life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present nor things to come, nor power, 39 - nor height nor depth, not any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our LORD.
Be sure to read the whole chaper. These are such awesome promises. I remember telling her that very thing. She had the strangest look on her face and she said, Excuse me, and got up and left me and sat with another friend. She ignored me the whole rest of the trip and that was on the first day. I remember how horrible I felt. I had another incident on the same trip with a very young girl that was a member. She was very immature and one night during one of the meetings, she kept getting up and leaving and coming back and was very disruptive. I told her she just needed to sit down and be quiet. She was mad and "tattled" on me to our main chaperone, Mrs. Wells. I got called to Mrs. Wells' room for a "talking to". She told me that I was being a nuisance and the girls didn't like it that I was talking to them about the Bible and that I shouldn't be "bossing" the younger ones around. I remember feeling like I had done something wrong. My parents and my sister were with us on this trip and I remember my mother asking me what was wrong and I wouldn't tell her because I was ashamed. I was afraid she was going to be mad at me, too. She probably would have been. She didn't think people should be so bold sharing their faith.
I guess those times are still a lot like these times. You will always be persecuted for sharing your faith. I had forgotten about that experience until I started blogging tonight. That was also the first year I had worked with Child Evangelism Fellowship and it was right after my term as "Ornery" Queen. I am always amazed when I look back at my life and see how God acquainted me with that mission agency then and to see where I am now.
Someone asked me one time if I would encourage young girls to join JD. I said no, I don't think I would. I know that I wouldn't want Caroline to join. There are so many other more wholesome Christian groups. But I guess wherever there are people there will be conflicts and you have to learn how to deal with those conflicts. That is also part of the Christian process of becoming like Christ. The iron sharpening iron.
Well, once again, I have written way more than most people will want to read in a sitting. I just start writing and I can't stop. And I also noticed that the last time I double posted my entry. Is there any way to edit that and delete the second entry? Can someone help me here?????
Monday, August 14, 2006
HOW THE JOURNEY STARTED
I thought I would share parts of my testimony. I am not going to write it all at once. Mainly because you couldn't read it all at once and get bored. I do tend to be very wordy when I write or when I talk.
(This will be a good practice for me as I have been asked to share my testimony with a group of people at a dinner on Saturday, August 19, 2006. Please pray for me as I have not given it before in a formal situation as this. I did give it to a small group of people last fall when I became employed with CEF, but discovered that I talk way too much. I need to be better prepared for this situation. )
I grew up in a Christian home. My parents always took me and my younger sister to church on a regular basis. When I was 11 years old, I went to church camp and had a counselor named Gaye Grumbles. ( I think God has a sense of humor!) She asked the girls one night if there was any of us that had not asked Christ to be our Savior. I raised my hand and later she took me aside and shared the plan of salvation with me. How much God loved me and wanted me to be able to live with Him forever, but because of my sin I couldn't do that. I do remember that she shared Romans 6:23 -"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our LORD, and also Ephesians 2:8 and 9 - "For by grace our you saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God and not of works, lest any man should boast." God used both of these two scriptures to convict me of my sin and to help me realize that I could not earn salvation, but could only have it by believing what Christ did for me on the cross.
I accepted Christ as my Savior and LORD that day and have tried to live for Him ever since. I was basically a good kid, but I did disobey my parents and talk back from time to time. My mom called it "sassing" when I talked back to her. I can hear my aunt now say "You're not sassing your mother are you? You better not be!!!" Being a Christian isn't easy when you are young because you try to be good but you don't understand that we are all born with that "want-to" sin. I had not completely let the Holy Spirit take over my life so that I could live for Him through His power and not my own.
I struggled with this concept through high school and college. While looking for a deeper relationship with God, I became involved with some Christians who were Charismatic. I had issues with some of that teaching as I felt that God wasn't able to use me because I couldn't be "slain" in the Spirit. I wouldn't fall over when the Bible teacher at the Women's Aglow Fellowship meeting laid hands on me. Every one around me, including my friend that came with me, was dropping like flies!!
Now I realize that the Christian Life is a process. You don't get it all at once. You have to grow and become more like Christ daily. I know that some people who are of the more Charismatic denominations might take issue with me on this. I am not going to say that God can't cause people to be slain in the Spirit, speak in tongues that they haven't learned or that miracles don't happen today. I will not put God in a box that way. I know that God can do anything HE wants to do when it will bring the most glory to HIM. I just want to be focused on the Giver and not on the gifts. I trust Him to give me the spiritual gifts that HE wants me to have when I need them.
That's all for now. More to come.
(This will be a good practice for me as I have been asked to share my testimony with a group of people at a dinner on Saturday, August 19, 2006. Please pray for me as I have not given it before in a formal situation as this. I did give it to a small group of people last fall when I became employed with CEF, but discovered that I talk way too much. I need to be better prepared for this situation. )
I grew up in a Christian home. My parents always took me and my younger sister to church on a regular basis. When I was 11 years old, I went to church camp and had a counselor named Gaye Grumbles. ( I think God has a sense of humor!) She asked the girls one night if there was any of us that had not asked Christ to be our Savior. I raised my hand and later she took me aside and shared the plan of salvation with me. How much God loved me and wanted me to be able to live with Him forever, but because of my sin I couldn't do that. I do remember that she shared Romans 6:23 -"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our LORD, and also Ephesians 2:8 and 9 - "For by grace our you saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God and not of works, lest any man should boast." God used both of these two scriptures to convict me of my sin and to help me realize that I could not earn salvation, but could only have it by believing what Christ did for me on the cross.
I accepted Christ as my Savior and LORD that day and have tried to live for Him ever since. I was basically a good kid, but I did disobey my parents and talk back from time to time. My mom called it "sassing" when I talked back to her. I can hear my aunt now say "You're not sassing your mother are you? You better not be!!!" Being a Christian isn't easy when you are young because you try to be good but you don't understand that we are all born with that "want-to" sin. I had not completely let the Holy Spirit take over my life so that I could live for Him through His power and not my own.
I struggled with this concept through high school and college. While looking for a deeper relationship with God, I became involved with some Christians who were Charismatic. I had issues with some of that teaching as I felt that God wasn't able to use me because I couldn't be "slain" in the Spirit. I wouldn't fall over when the Bible teacher at the Women's Aglow Fellowship meeting laid hands on me. Every one around me, including my friend that came with me, was dropping like flies!!
Now I realize that the Christian Life is a process. You don't get it all at once. You have to grow and become more like Christ daily. I know that some people who are of the more Charismatic denominations might take issue with me on this. I am not going to say that God can't cause people to be slain in the Spirit, speak in tongues that they haven't learned or that miracles don't happen today. I will not put God in a box that way. I know that God can do anything HE wants to do when it will bring the most glory to HIM. I just want to be focused on the Giver and not on the gifts. I trust Him to give me the spiritual gifts that HE wants me to have when I need them.
That's all for now. More to come.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
FRIENDS' JOURNEY
Today, I am saddened about the journey of some friends of mine. I have a friend in her late 50s that has multiple sclerosis. She has been in a wheelchair for over 20 years. She has a wonderful husband who is a pastor and a lovely daughter who is 23 years old. For the last few years my daughter and I have stayed with her sometimes whenever her hubby goes out of town, which is not very frequently. Often as not, he will take her with him so that she, too, can have a change of scenery. Being confined to the wheelchair does not give her a lot of freedom to come and go. She loves to go shopping and out to lunch like all "girls" do, but unless someone takes her she can't. She never complains and stays at home. I try to get over there once in a while to check up on her. She stays home by herself during the day while her husband is at work.
My daughter and I stayed with her in May of this year for two nights while her husband went to a mission board meeting. I had not stayed for a while so, when he told me that there was some changes in her condition, I wasn't totally surprised, but yet, it seems that it was still somewhat of a shock. She couldn't get the toothpaste on her toothbrush. She couldn't get her right hand/arm up over the edge of the sink to wash her hands. She had trouble getting her food onto her spoon and fork. She was more forgetful than I remembered. I was really saddened by this as she has been a wonderful friend and we really have a good time when we have our"slumber parties" as I call them when I stay over at her house. We joke and laugh about all the things that we have to do for her when I come. Sometimes it takes two of us to dress her in the day or get her ready for bed at night. All that her husband usually does all by himself. Plus he feeds her, makes sure she gets her meds at the right time, does the laundry, gets the dinner ready as well as lunch (although people from church take them meals that can last for two days twice a week), does the grocery shopping, runs all the errands in addition to working anywhere from 50-60 hours a week. He is an associate pastor and is in charge of administration of the church finances, etc. The church is right in the middle of a huge multi-million dollar building project for which he is ultimately responsible.
A couple of years ago, he had to have some surgery caused by lifting her to get her to the bathroom. After the surgery, he had some problems with his bloodwork, low hemoglobin, a platelet problem that they have been monitoring for several years. He had to have a bone marrow biopsy at that time and it was discovered that he could develop a severe form of leukemia. To make a long story short, he was ill a couple of weeks ago and had bronchitis. He made an appointment with the hematologists at that time for a blood work-up and when they took him in they kept him for 8 hours at the hospital to do another bone marrow biopsy. He had to have some blood transfusions and they gave him a platelet transfusion. Needless to say, that he could not do any lifting or many of the things that he usually does for his beloved wife.
He got the results of the bone marrow biopsy back the following day and was told that he now has developed leukemia. He had done research on this type of leukemia when he had the first biopsy done and found that there is only a 5-10% success rate with a bone marrow transplant or with chemotherapy. I have another friend who says that chemo is like taking the patient to the point of death and stopping just before. He agreed and has decided not to have any treatment. The only thing that we can do is pray for remission.
I talked to him today after church, actually I talked to all of them. I told them that the sermon was meant for them and they agreed.
We had a great sermon about Elijah and the prophets of Baal from 1 Kings 18. Elijah was outnumbered. He had been "in training" in the desert during the drought for about three years. He had been hiding from King Ahab and when his training period was over, God told him to make himself known to Ahab. Ahab had been searching for him for years but could never find him. Ahab called him the "troubler" or literally the snake in the grass. Elijah says, "It's not me that troubles Israel, but you with your house who have forsaken the commandments of the LORD and have followed Baal."
So Elijah challenges Ahab to decide once and for all who is the one true God, and Ahab and the people of Israel agree. So 450 prophets of Baal and 400 prophets of Asherah sacrifice an ox and ask their gods to set it on fire. They dance and chant and leap about for hours. Nothing happens. Elijah who is very confident, not in himself, but in God alone, asks the people of Israel to come near so they can pay attention. He wants to make sure that they do not miss the blessing. He wants them on the front row seat so that when God speaks they will not miss a thing.
He rebuilds a broken altar of the LORD for his sacrifice, just the way God had commanded. He made a trench around the altar and laid his sacrifice of ox upon the wood. Then he had watered poured on the wood. Not just a little bit of water, but huge amounts of water. Three times the altar and sacrifice were drenched until the trench around the altar was full of water. Then Elijah cries out to the LORD God. It did not take hour upon hour to chant, leap, and jump about. HE prayed a very simple prayer to the effect that "God you know I have done as you have commanded. I have taken you at your word. Answer me Lord, that these people will know once and for all that YOU and YOU alone are the one true God." And then the LORD God, sent fire from heaven to consume the sacrifice and it was so hot that it evaporated every drop of water. Verse 39 says, When all the people saw it, they fell on their faces and they said, 'The LORD, He is God; the LORD, He is God.'
Elijah had great faith and trust in the LORD God. Elijah was all alone, but it is not the size of the group that counst but the size of God!! There is no problem or situation that occurs in our lives that is bigger than God. We can't let circumstances control our outlook. He will "strongly support those whose heart is completely His." (2 Chronicles 16:9) I know that Bill's and Lynn's hearts are completely His. God can work in impossible situations. And He will work in this situation with Bill and Lynn for His greatest Glory.
Please pray for Bill and Lynn and Katie. They have a long road ahead.
My daughter and I stayed with her in May of this year for two nights while her husband went to a mission board meeting. I had not stayed for a while so, when he told me that there was some changes in her condition, I wasn't totally surprised, but yet, it seems that it was still somewhat of a shock. She couldn't get the toothpaste on her toothbrush. She couldn't get her right hand/arm up over the edge of the sink to wash her hands. She had trouble getting her food onto her spoon and fork. She was more forgetful than I remembered. I was really saddened by this as she has been a wonderful friend and we really have a good time when we have our"slumber parties" as I call them when I stay over at her house. We joke and laugh about all the things that we have to do for her when I come. Sometimes it takes two of us to dress her in the day or get her ready for bed at night. All that her husband usually does all by himself. Plus he feeds her, makes sure she gets her meds at the right time, does the laundry, gets the dinner ready as well as lunch (although people from church take them meals that can last for two days twice a week), does the grocery shopping, runs all the errands in addition to working anywhere from 50-60 hours a week. He is an associate pastor and is in charge of administration of the church finances, etc. The church is right in the middle of a huge multi-million dollar building project for which he is ultimately responsible.
A couple of years ago, he had to have some surgery caused by lifting her to get her to the bathroom. After the surgery, he had some problems with his bloodwork, low hemoglobin, a platelet problem that they have been monitoring for several years. He had to have a bone marrow biopsy at that time and it was discovered that he could develop a severe form of leukemia. To make a long story short, he was ill a couple of weeks ago and had bronchitis. He made an appointment with the hematologists at that time for a blood work-up and when they took him in they kept him for 8 hours at the hospital to do another bone marrow biopsy. He had to have some blood transfusions and they gave him a platelet transfusion. Needless to say, that he could not do any lifting or many of the things that he usually does for his beloved wife.
He got the results of the bone marrow biopsy back the following day and was told that he now has developed leukemia. He had done research on this type of leukemia when he had the first biopsy done and found that there is only a 5-10% success rate with a bone marrow transplant or with chemotherapy. I have another friend who says that chemo is like taking the patient to the point of death and stopping just before. He agreed and has decided not to have any treatment. The only thing that we can do is pray for remission.
I talked to him today after church, actually I talked to all of them. I told them that the sermon was meant for them and they agreed.
We had a great sermon about Elijah and the prophets of Baal from 1 Kings 18. Elijah was outnumbered. He had been "in training" in the desert during the drought for about three years. He had been hiding from King Ahab and when his training period was over, God told him to make himself known to Ahab. Ahab had been searching for him for years but could never find him. Ahab called him the "troubler" or literally the snake in the grass. Elijah says, "It's not me that troubles Israel, but you with your house who have forsaken the commandments of the LORD and have followed Baal."
So Elijah challenges Ahab to decide once and for all who is the one true God, and Ahab and the people of Israel agree. So 450 prophets of Baal and 400 prophets of Asherah sacrifice an ox and ask their gods to set it on fire. They dance and chant and leap about for hours. Nothing happens. Elijah who is very confident, not in himself, but in God alone, asks the people of Israel to come near so they can pay attention. He wants to make sure that they do not miss the blessing. He wants them on the front row seat so that when God speaks they will not miss a thing.
He rebuilds a broken altar of the LORD for his sacrifice, just the way God had commanded. He made a trench around the altar and laid his sacrifice of ox upon the wood. Then he had watered poured on the wood. Not just a little bit of water, but huge amounts of water. Three times the altar and sacrifice were drenched until the trench around the altar was full of water. Then Elijah cries out to the LORD God. It did not take hour upon hour to chant, leap, and jump about. HE prayed a very simple prayer to the effect that "God you know I have done as you have commanded. I have taken you at your word. Answer me Lord, that these people will know once and for all that YOU and YOU alone are the one true God." And then the LORD God, sent fire from heaven to consume the sacrifice and it was so hot that it evaporated every drop of water. Verse 39 says, When all the people saw it, they fell on their faces and they said, 'The LORD, He is God; the LORD, He is God.'
Elijah had great faith and trust in the LORD God. Elijah was all alone, but it is not the size of the group that counst but the size of God!! There is no problem or situation that occurs in our lives that is bigger than God. We can't let circumstances control our outlook. He will "strongly support those whose heart is completely His." (2 Chronicles 16:9) I know that Bill's and Lynn's hearts are completely His. God can work in impossible situations. And He will work in this situation with Bill and Lynn for His greatest Glory.
Please pray for Bill and Lynn and Katie. They have a long road ahead.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
MY FIRST BLOG
I have always wanted a web page of my own to publish some of the things I have written and to write about things that interest me or make me passionate. I have been reading some of the blogs of some gals I know, particularly my friend Angie's blog at Carolina Rags and I was so inspired that I thought I would try my own. So this is my very first post on my very own blogspot!!
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